Christmas lights, past shadows
by son-of-puji
Summary: Kitty and Lance meet old, shadowy faces of their past.Facing them seems more complicated than fighting Apocalypse for it is about fighting their doubts in themselves and each other. It is about the strength of their love. Rate for minor language. Lancitty
1. A journey to the Past

**Story:** Kitty and Lance have to face difficulties as old, shadowy faces of their past appear. In a way it is more complicated than fighting Apocalypse for it is about fighting themselves, their past, their doubts in themselves and each other. It is about the strength of their love.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything, everything belongs to Marvel and stuff.

**Note1:** I re-edited it a bit, correcting a few things.

**Note2:** Sorry for making Cypher a human^^.

**Christmas lights, past shadows**

**Chapter 1: Journey to the Past **

A month had passed since Apocalypse's fall. Autumn turned to a calm winter with chill dawns and shorter daytime. From time to time heavy, drab clouds invaded the darkened sky, pregnant with mass of snow that was threatening to fall anytime upon the city of Bayville.

The students at the Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters slowly took up the daily round again. They went on with their lives, attended school, killed time in Bayville or at the mall as if nothing had happened. Truth be told, those who had participated in the fight against Apocalypse were continuously wondering at the strangeness of the situation that the human world hadn't sensed much of the presence of the world-threatening focus of unlimited mutant powers. Slowly it seemed as if it was just a nightmare or a Saturday evening horror movie.

"I decided to spend the winter holiday in Northbrook," said Kitty Pryde a bit reluctantly.

She was sitting in a small, dimly lit café at the mall in the company of none other than her fellow mutant, former (and officially: present) opponent Lance Alvers. For a long minute only the silent Christmas carols flowing out of the well-hidden stereos could be heard, fading into the humming conversation all around the small, intimate place. They had three days to winter holiday; the tiny, round tables were barricaded with huge, coloured gift-boxes and paper bags all around.

Having Lance in silence at the other side of the table, Kitty looked up from her hot chocolate she was staring at so persistently. Lance was eyeing his own mug of chocolate, his expression unreadable.

"Fine," he remarked finally. "But I thought you planned to stay."

"I know but Mum called me the other day and I just couldn't turn her down. They are, like, so keen on seeing me again soon."

"Of course."

"She said Christmas time wouldn't be the same without me. And well, I have never spent a winter break without them."

"I see," Lance commented briefly. He leaned back in the chair, his face shrouded in the shadows beyond the flicker of lights. Folding his long fingers around the warm mug, he pulled it closer to him; a bad friction on the polished table.

"I as well totally haven't seen them for long. Maybe next year I'll stay here."

Kitty was aware of her new habit of returning to her old speaking with 'like'-s and 'totally'-s when she felt embarrassed, concerned or uneasy. Normally she dropped the valley-girl style in her speaking.

Lance sighed, slightly frowning. "Kitty, you don't have to explain yourself. You have a family. It doesn't need any more expositions if you wanna spend your holiday with them."

"I know," she whispered, fidgeting and a bit taken aback by his nearly indifferent and authoritative tone. She knew him quite much to realize she disappointed him. Even a week before she had been rhapsodizing about spending the Christmas time in Bayville, thus they would be able to meet more often, and what is more, maybe with a bunch of luck and daring, celebrate together at the mansion, since none of the students, save for Scott and Rogue, would stay there.

Neither of them spoke. Delicious scent of fresh baked cookies, cinnamon and orange spread inside the café. Kitty plucked up her courage. "I was wondering… I mean, like, what you think of joining me… us?"

Lance glanced at her, leaning forward, as if he was thinking some problem had occurred to his hearing. "What? Going with you to your parents' house?"

"Exactly. I'd be so happy."

"You can't be serious."

"I totally am. I want them to get to know you."

"This is the main problem, Kitty. They _do_ know me. And I hardly believe they had forgotten me and our little… encounter."

"That's it! Here's, like, a good opportunity to change their opinion about you. They'll like you if knowing you better."

"I wouldn't put a bet on it," Lance murmured.

"You're important for me, they have to understand it."

"I'm enough important for you to drag me along to your folks who hate my guts… not undeservedly… but not enough important to tell your friends about me who, by the way, hate me as well but at least both of us are guilty."

"I know it's crazy… I was just thinking my friends are here all the time and they could do something against us or make difficulties over the whole stuff. But my parents are, like, far away." Sighing, she gazed at him intensly. "I… I just need someone to tell about our friendship. Only Rogue knows about us. I'm getting fed up with keeping things back, secret meetings and lies."

Lance huffed. "Yeah, as if it was a big deal."

"I don't know what is so condemnable in us being friends!"

Lance raised an eyebrow but didn't say a word. Kitty took it as a silent accusation. "Why? Do _your friends_ know we meet sometimes?"

"Of course," he stated firmly. "I couldn't keep it secret, Kitty. Truth be told, there is hardly a thing that can be kept secret in the Brotherhood House."

Kitty's head drooped. "I must be a coward. I'm so sorry…"

Lance reached over the table and squeezed her hand. "You ain't, it's nonsense."

Lifting her gaze, she smiled sadly. "You know, my parents would have been the first step. I shouldn't keep things back from them. Eventually I'm old enough to choose my own friends. They will approve it."

"And if not?"

"Then… then they were wrong. And I wouldn't care." She was squirming uneasily. "So what's your answer? Will you come along?"

"Uhh…" Lance moaned, rubbing the back of his head. "Back to Northbrook? I thought once I parted from that town for good."

"There isn't forever, Lance," she said softly.

"I still don't think it'd be a good idea, Kitty, or better to say it's a perfectly crackbrained idea."

She pouted her lips. "I just so imagined spending Christmas together! And wanted to walk down those streets with you and do crazy things that we could never do together."

"We don't have a common past in Northbrook, and wandering there around wouldn't change it at all. I don't belong there anymore and never wanted to look back. My present… _our_ present binds us to Bayville."

Biting her lower lip, Kitty looked away. Beyond the front windows of the café, the twilight had crept into the city on the sly. Lights had been switched on. It was growing dark early.

"So that means you don't come," she flashed a small, feigned smile at him. "I understand. It's against all senses… maybe I return earlier and we can hold a post-christmas celebration some time."

"Alright. Sounds great," Lance nodded, apparently relieved.

"I have to go now. We have the last training-session of the year today, hurray!" Kitty said after a while, reaching for her woolly coat and blue scarf. Lance drank up his already cold chocolate and watched her preparing to leave. He had only a thick sweater to pull on. "Shall we meet again before I leave?" she asked once out of the café.

With his hands deep in his pocket, he smiled down at her. "Sure."

Next day a quite morose Kitty was crossing slowly the courtyard of the Bayville High, her books hugged to her chest. She didn't pay much attention to her companion, occasionally dropped a remark among the train of words. She had insisted on coming out for a walk in lunchtime for getting some fresh air, and her only human friend followed her suit outside to the deserted yard. After the leaking out of mutant existence thanks to the TV cameras, all her former so-called friends became estrange from her, or simply feared and confused, except the one oddball Doug. She suspected he regarded her mutant being as a cool thing and in the beginning she had to answer a load of ridiculous questions about her powers and whether she was able to produce standing jump to eight feet high or blast laser beams out of the top of her fingers as if she was a flesh and blood Lara Croft or other computer game figure. He lived in another dimension among pixel-beasts and goldcoins indicating how many lives he was still possessing. Kitty was, however, thankful even for this strange relationship.

Suddenly she awoke from her hazy thoughts to a shrill whistle and muted grunt saying her name.

"Kitty, dammit…"

Spinning around she saw Lance leaning against the wall nearby with an impatient, uneasy look on his face. He had been most probably trying to call her attention to himself for a while.

"Like, what are you doin' here?" her face lit up at the sight of him, Doug immediately forgotten.

"I was terribly missing Mrs. Barton's algebra class. I feel nostalgic," he shrugged with a wolfish glimmer in his eyes.

"Yeah, like I'd believe it," Kitty giggled. "Nice to see you here again."

"Mmmph," he hummed, grimacing at the school building. "I don't want Kelly to spy me hanging around here... Well, I wanted to speak to you…"

Startled by his stern expression, she gasped anxiously. "Something happened to you?"

Touched by her concern, he shook his head at once. "No, nothing like that… I… umm… changed my mind about your winter holiday offer…" he couldn't finish his sentence for Kitty let out a happy squeal and jerked her arms in a way as if she wanted to hug him but in the last second she flinched.

"So you decided to come?" she beamed. As he nodded briefly, she became definitely thrilled. "I'm so happy, it will be fun, you'll see it."

Scratching his head, he tried to hide his uncertainty so as not to spoil her pleasure. "Yeah, sure…Umm, Kitty, I hardly think we should omit Baldy in this case."

"I know I'm gonna inform him but I'm pretty sure he is completely aware of us. Now I have English period so gotta go in a second but in the evening I call you up to talk the details over. I arrange everything; the only thing you have to do is packing."

He beckoned airily. "Regard it as done--"

"I know, I know…," she smiled at him, cutting him short. "You're a light packer, I remember." Lance found himself grinning as recalling his brief stay at the X-mansion. "Then, later." She bid farewell to him, and headed towards a nearby entrance, waving him a last goodbye.

He was watching her for long moving away, Cypher trailing after her. Once in his jeep, he leaned his head back against the seat, fingers clinging on to the steering wheel. He could see his breath wreathing around his face in the cold air.

He was still unsure of the whole case of traveling back to Northbrook, and what is more, to the house of one Carmen Pryde he once nearly killed in his rage. But the only important thing he could sum up was his feelings for Kitty. There were times when he had almost lost her and he still remembered the emptiness of days eating itself in his bones, head and every little bit of his cells. He'd made the error long ago of letting himself dive into imaginations about them living a life together he had so little knowledge about. A life of happiness. He got far beyond the border where he could still deal with losing her and it would have already been too painful now when he had only faint notions about what he could gain, yet these notions were already crucial for him to carry on. And now when Mystique had left them for the who-knows-how-many time, there was no obstacle left for them to spend more time with each other – save for the X-geeks. He had been looking forward so much having Kitty in Bayville for winter break, he couldn't reconcile himself to be locked up together with Toad and the other two idiots, watching cartoons nonstop and fattening themselves with popcorn and half-warm pizzas – of course, supposing they'd have enough dough for it. No, he was sick of it. Traveling back to Northbrook supposed to be worth its cost and nuisance if he could be near Kitty. Smiling to himself he started the engine and drove off from the vicinity of the school.

"Don't worry. Eat a candy, take a deep breath and hold my hand." Kitty was patting Lance's arm assuringly, her eyes glimmering with compassion.

"The latter will help the most," he forced a faint smile, gazing at her, lost in the blue, sparkling eyes. The two were sitting on the airplane to Chicago, fastened and hidden behind a pile of airline magazines which were full of boring articles for businessmen, and were assigned to arrest their attention, of course, to no avail.

Since they'd got on board, Lance went pale, clutching his sore stomach and having cold beads of sweat on his forehead, though trying hard to appear carefree. "Hell, I didn't even eat anything," he mumbled under his breath. Despite his sickness he was enjoying Kitty's so warm, so gentle little palm on his temple as she stroked his hair out of his eyes.

And this small, almost non-existent touch, besides stirring his emotions and poor stomach upside down, knocked down his barriers and walls that had always kept him from talking about himself and now swept him along smoothly towards her.

"You know in the beginning I was thinking my airsickness is because my powers bind me to the very earth and being torn away from it so far makes me sick and feel weak," he uttered his once buried thoughts with unsure, barely audible voice. Kitty, feeling his unease about the whole case, silently leaned in towards him above the arm-rest, fixing her eyes on his face. Lance ran his fingers playfully along her hand, his thoughts far away. "However, when I spent my time at the Institute and got inside the X-Jet simulator, I had to realize I was only a loser who has airsickness on his own, not because of a mysterious higher power flowing in his veins. In a simple simulator I shouldn't have felt bad."

Kitty didn't omit to protest with all her soul. "You're not a loser, Lance. Stop belittling yourself." Her voice was soft, just as her glance, but at the same time full of determination and rebuke. "It's not your fault. A lot of people have this problem during flight or fear from something else. For example, there's Ororo, she has claustrophoby, and she's not much like a loser. Besides, it's not a joyride sitting behind Bobby in any vehicle," she giggled.

Lance rejected the idea of admitting his airsickness wasn't the only thing that made him feel loser. There was no need to load her with this crap. He smiled at Kitty instead, examining her with smoldering eyes, conveying his gratitude for her being by his side. Something indefinable was passing between them invisibly. Kitty felt her soul quivering, suddenly fighting the urge to lay her head on his shoulder or hugging him close. She instead withdrew to her own seat yet unwillingly.

For long minutes silence fell upon them as they were wrapped up in their own thoughts. Lance broke the wordless peace eventually. "Where's better to live for you, in Northbrook or Bayville?"

Apparently being astonished, she blinked at him for a moment positively speechless. "I don't know. It's uncomparable," she explained. "In Bayville I live kinda another life than what I would have lived in Northbrook if I wasn't a mutant. There I used to live a life of, like, an ordinary girl, now I'm among a bunch of strange guys fighting for world-peace and other foolish ideals." She winked at him suggestively with a knowing look, her eyes smiling.

Lance chuckled briefly and leaned his head to the headrest, thinking hard. He couldn't have answered his own question properly. The response would have been more than odd. On one hand Northbrook was better for him for feeling much freer to do whatever he wanted and he had pals who could have been easily called servants for fearing him. And it'd been good this way. He didn't need anyone in that emotionless void he called life to put the burden of his thoughts on them. What he missed was the respect he got from them and the leader role he achieved among the guys in the orphanage as well as among his mates at the school. None of the above he was given in Bayville. The official leader of the Brotherhood was Mystique; no matter she used to be far away quite often. And if it wasn't enough he had a rival in the team in the person of Pietro Maximoff who was insolent and pompous enough to refuse to obey him. Plus, he wasn't special anymore. He wasn't the odd one out who could have been called a scary miracle of the world. Not mentioning, he was a fucked-up loser here, always kicked down by the X-men, by Kelly, used by his own leader and every passer-by. Though, honestly, back in Northbrook he hadn't been on the top either. Nevertheless, in Bayville he had Kitty for one. Her open and pure personality and feelings without any reservations towards him meant a hot new thing for him. And truth be told, sometimes life was a fun among his Brotherhood fellows.

"What are you brooding over?" Kitty asked all of a sudden. He shuddered out of his musing. "Get rid of this frown." She ran a finger gently over the line of his brows, smiling forbearingly.

"Umm… I was just wondering whether your parents know that I'm comin'," he lied.

"Of course! I didn't want them to be taken offguard."

"And? What was the reaction?" he curled his brows, preparing for the worst.

"Well, at first Mum was surprised that I take someone along but then she said she was pleased to meet a friend of mine," she beamed.

Lance flashed a cautious smile. "That's all?"

"Yeah, in her opinion what makes me feel happy is okay for her. I guess first she thought you were a _she_ then I clarified it," she chuckled shortly. "Judging by the silence in the phone, she was quite sure we were…" she trailed off, blinking with slight embarrassment, avoiding his gaze. "Um, so she, like, drew the wrong conclusion from it."

Lance would have dearly loved to ask her opinion of them being more then friends but didn't want to make the atmosphere tense or spoil his own mood if her answer was rejective. For a long, long time, secretly and purely, he'd been yearning for something more but didn't dare force or threaten her. Their friendship was too dear for him to risk it, and was still too fragile to try its strength.

"Why do I have the feeling she doesn't know it's me, the ceiling-cracker guy who's coming?" he asked instead. His suspicions were justified by the unease drifting through Kitty's face.

"Well, I can't exactly remember what I told her. Maybe I didn't mention it's you," she admitted with an innocent smile.

Lance moaned with incredulity. "And you're saying this to me only now?"

"Hey, don't worry. Dad is indeed hotheaded but Mum… you will like her pretty much, she's soft-hearted and kind…"

"But your father will be enough to kick my ass, thanks," Lance snorted. Kitty giggled at the sight of his face.

"There won't be any problem. Besides, Mum knows about you, I've told her a lot about a certain Lance."

"There are a lot of Lances all around the world," he murmured, trying to hide his shimmering joy that Kitty had mentioned him to her mother. "She surely doesn't suspect a connection between this Lance and the one who dropped half of the school building on her head," he remarked bitterly.

"And I thought you were the happy-go-lucky type…" she teased him, shaking head. Lance pouted his lips, a smile playing in his eyes.

"I ain't when it's about you."

Kitty didn't really know what to say to this thus she simply leaned back in her seat.

Lance broke the silence, finally. "And what about Baldy? Did you tell him?"

"There was no need to," she admitted. "He already knew it and when I was about to tell him he asked me whether Mr Logan should have taken me and _you_ to the airport," she smirked as recalling the memory. "Sometime it's scary how he knows about the events around him."

At least it was one man less she should have told about her and Lance.

Musing, she stared out, watching the clouds running by. She was aware there was only a slight change in her life after Apocalypse, definitely invisible from outside. Determination and consciousness reinforced her. She slowly accepted the fact that she needed the friendship of Lance in a way. She was the same joyful and lighthearted person as before but inside she'd become sincerer to herself and somehow grown-up, observing her own wishes, intentions and needs. She got reconciled with Lance's miserable attitude, unleashed temper and his membership among the Brotherhood. After what they'd gone through in Mexico, the old arguments and accusations they'd casted at each other in the past meant nothing any more; they seemed so childish and ridiculous in the light of events that could have cost their lives. She accepted the existence of a bond between them that had been always there, only her unwillingness to recognize it made her blind. They had attempted to tear the bond apart so many times, with so much pain and bitterness, unsuccessfully. She was smart enough to perceive they had to give themselves another chance, this time with more patience.

The only thing that hadn't changed was her reluctance to admit her decision to her teammates. She managed to persuade herself that she didn't want to hurt them, nor oppose them. Not yet. Not yet.

Soon the plane got into whirlwind, so they didn't talk too much in the other part of the flight since Lance had more urgent things to do than speaking to Kitty as the plane was jostled by sudden turbulent strikes.

"I feel so bad for you," Kitty lamented. "It's all my fault."

"Yes it is. You'll need a hundred years to make up for this," Lance said gravely once they got finally off the plane but was betrayed by a perky wink.

In a little while they boarded the train that was destined to carry them from Chicago to Northbrook in an hour or so. Surprisingly they could occupy an open booth in a nearly deserted carriage.

Lance was lying on the seat with his head in Kitty's lap since he still felt quite dizzy and she insisted on taking care of him. The train hurtled along with them; bald trees and crimson roof of cottages were flying by in front of the window. The silent cattering made the two young mutants drowsy and calm, Lance was about to doze off, having found a comfortable place in Kitty's lap. She was absent-mindedly caressing his cheeks, brushing his hair, slipping her slim fingers among his dark locks, down along his neck, occasionally touching his chest with her fingertips, albeit cursorily as if it would burn her skin. She traced his jaw-bone, the lines of his ears, brows, nose, and with dreamy eyes she ran a shy finger over his lips. Gasping, he fixed his eyes on her face, studying her features. Their eyes locked for a long minute until Lance sat up to lean closer to her. His eyes half-closed, he glared at her beseechingly.

"May I…?" he whispered hoarsely, the longing on his face clear as daylight.

Kitty just closed her eyes consently as a silent answer, and opened her mouth slightly. He leaned in with relief, and touched her lips with his own, feeling as if his inside had exploded. Suppressing the main of his desire that might have threatened her if pouring on her like a flood, he kissed her slowly, tenderly yet thirstingly, fighting the urge to devour her all. She moaned slightly, dropping her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. It felt so wonderful having him so close to her, feeling his lips against hers. She was gasping for air, not letting him retreat further than an inch.

One word was throbbing in her mind unceasingly: finally. Finally. They were finally kissing. She felt like melting in his arms, she pressed her chest to his, making him twitch and groan. Smiling against his mouth, she was stroking his face down to his neck. God, make this trip endless! Their sweet activity was interrupted by long, silent moments when they were just staring at each other delightedly as if they could discover some new features on one another's face that had been hidden before. His face was soft and peaceful, the regular slight sullenness and refusal disappeared, all his wrinkles on the forehead became smooth, only undisguised yearning was implied in his eyes.

A new era dawned on them with various coloured skies but with clouds beyond the horizon.


	2. Exodus

**Disclaimer:** I still do not own anything. :(

**Chapter 2: Exodus **

Lance was staring out the cab window in silence. He knew upon hearing the address Kitty'd given the taxi-driver that they were heading to the fancy suburbs with its swell houses and white fences around the well-mowed lawns. He couldn't swallow his unease that was induced not only by the surroundings which rejected him all in advance. He was about to face another failure of his past that had been haunting him since he began to think of Kitty in a different way, and he didn't feel like facing the consequences. In fact, he had surfeit of his own failures which seemed to multiply with time and didn't have the slightest intention of confessing any of them to her.

He looked at Kitty. She was snuggled up to him, watching the buildings running by. Her slim fingers were unintentionally caressing his chest through the thick sweater, forming wrinkles from the black material, her eyes distant. He could have traveled in the flitting car like this forever, inhaling Kitty's soft scent and having no destination, no expectations, no obligations. Running away from everything, being light as leaves and blown away by a gentle breeze; it was a secret dream of him. Kitty lifted her head, their eyes locked for a moment and were soon imitated by their lips.

They arrived. Lance peeked out of the taxi, catching sight of a showy family house with velvet and lace curtains hanging in the clean windows. Hell, what was he doing here at all? Once they were out of the car with their luggage at feet Kitty flashed him a chirpy smile that he couldn't return whole-heartedly. They hardly stepped across the low gate when the front door sprang open and the visibly exited Pryde parents were filing out of the house. Kitty let go of Lance's hand she had been clutching all along and flung herself into her mother's wide-open arms. Bowing his head, Lance tried to loaf as far as he could without being obvious he wanted to stay behind. He'd never felt so outsider before though he'd had many opportunities in his short life to feel so.

Finally Kitty's parents seemed to pay attention to him, yet Lance wasn't sure he welcomed it. Kitty took a step back towards him, her right hand playing around Lance's wrist.

"Mum, Dad, meet Lance Alvers," she said, her voice apparently beaming, yet a bit faltering.

Carmen Pryde made a movement that the two young mutants judged as an inviting gesture but suddenly his hand froze midway in the process. His glasses reflected the white concrete coldly as he was observing Lance from top to toe. His eyes then moved slowly, incredulously to his daughter, nearby to the state that could be called goggling. The dark-haired mutant knew Mr. Pryde's somewhat warm welcome was short-lived.

"We haven't met him before, have we?" he asked, menace in his voice. Kitty opened her mouth to deny and closed again, meeting her father's darkened and her mother's surprised gaze.

"Actually, yes, you have," she admitted finally.

That was the moment when Theresa Pryde eventually realized who was this familiar looking, long-haired boy standing in front of her in silence and low-keyed. She clutched her chest in terror.

"I can't believe you brought him of all people here!" her father snarled and seemed like he was ready to hurl himself on the rock-tumbler in any time to grab his throat.

"Kitty… And you even speak to him…" her mother whined, positively astonished, then her face grew more troubled. "Oh, no… he can't be that Lance you talked about!"

"He is," she stated, her cheeks already pink as feeling a bit embarrassment mixed with unease.

Carmen glowered at her. "What on earth happened to you, Katherine? Where've you left your common sense?"

If Kitty hadn't recognized she was in trouble, she could make sure hearing her father calling her that name. She steeled herself against his anger. "He changed, Dad. So did I. We went through a lot of things together…" she never finished as Carmen cut her short.

"Yes, I can see you changed. And I bet, to the wrong direction. I don't need much brain power to figure out whose blessed influence is responsible for it!" He casted a venom look at Lance who still hadn't said a single word.

"You're wrong," Kitty forced her voice calm and glanced from one side to the other. "Can't we just go in to talk it over?"

She saw heads poking out of the windows and front doors in the neighbourhood.

"No way! I'm not a fool to let a mad dog into my house of my own free will!"

"Lance is not a mad dog!"

"Really? He once bit us. I won't wait idly to have him bite us again."

"He won't… Look, Dad, we all made mistakes in the past, you, Mum, just as I or Lance."

"Don't dare compare my reluctancy and aversion to his murderous inclination. If you have forgotten, he tried to _kill_ us!"

"And he saved me more than once."

Kitty knew when the words escaped her lips that it wasn't the best thing to say. Her fears were confirmed as wild concern joined the shocked worry in her mother's eyes.

Though her father still boiled in anger and didn't even register her words. "How could my own daughter make me face this delinquent? How could you… how _dare_ you do this to us? And what on earth you expected from us to do? Grin and bear it? Isn't your disaster enough for us? And you take this… this monster along with a readiness… an _ability_ to kill?"

"We're not ill! Nor have a disease or infection! You see? You can't still understand or accept me myself then how could you understand him if you don't even give him a chance?"

"Give him a chance? For what? To use you? Betray and hurt you? Or to seduce you, take advantage of you?" he was now howling, his voice gradually grew louder and louder. Theresa squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to imagine her little innocent daughter in a situation mentioned by her husband with a shifty and violent rebel like this boy was.

Theresa folded her fingers around his arm in an attempt to calm him down, with no success. Her husband's face was already red. In front of them their daughter was trembling and Theresa could just stare at her. She was her same little Kitty who once hid in her embrace on stormy nights and still she couldn't recognize her in the old way. There was a slight change on her pretty, dear face. Determination, maybe. Somehow she looked grown up. There was a bitter oldness stitched into her brows and a deep, mourning sorrow as she listened to her father's preaching.

"Okay, I heard enough," it was the first time when Lance said something. He stepped forward to Kitty, keeping a comforting distance between him and the fuming man who looked at him like he was preparing himself for something disastrous like having his own house fall down on his head. "There's no sense in quarreling with them. I better get lost."

Kitty was gaping, caught wordless. "I… no wait… it shouldn't happen this way. I was the one who invited you."

"No problem, Kitty, take it easy," he shrugged light-heartedly, making his way towards the gate. She was at his heels. "Meet you in Bayville."

"Stop, Lance. You just can't walk away like this. You don't even have a ticket back to Bayville."

"Hey, it's me who you're talking to," he faked a smile. "Don't worry about me."

"I… it's no good," she pursed her lips sadly. "I planned to spend my time with you. I didn't want you to see how they can kick up dust. Oh my god, it's so embarrassing," she whispered under her breath, her head low.

"Hey, look at me, Kitty-cat," he placed an assuring hand on her shoulder, forcing her to lift her head. "Don't worry about it. I exactly expected this and can't blame anyone beside me."

"Don't say this, Lance. They flung terrible things in your face. I totally hate you were right."

"Doesn't matter, I'll live. Don't be angry with them… Hey, cheer up!"

"I can't," she felt tears welling up in the corner of her eyes. "I so wanted to be with you."

"Then I'll stay in the town for a day or two if you want," he offered airily. Kitty blinked at him, her eyes huge and wet. Lance swallowed a lump in his throat and when he started to speak his voice was hoarse and full of emotions. "I wish I could kiss you now."

Kitty chuckled, blushing a bit. Her smile was fugitive, though. _I wish you did it,_ she thought downcastly as he turned round to walk away.

"Where're you going to?" she inquired in a haze. Lance stopped short on his way, and for a long second he remained motionless before turning back once more.

"Dunno. The orphanage may let me stay there for a few days." His words resounded vacant, his forced easiness cracked as a bad plaster. Both of them knew very well that he was lying. He would never ever go back there. "Merry Christmas, Kitty!" He flashed a smile, so gentle, so caressing that her heart ached.

And he was gone in a minute, she couldn't even return his gesture.

She remained standing there, rooted to the spot for endless minutes. Something was scratching her from inside as in a wish to break out. Minutes were gone by, hours, years, the last leaves of an old aspen, storm-grey clouds and sighing wind. Somehow everything seemed to be waiting for something to happen. The dead, tense silence before thunders was similar to that.

Kitty let her mother to place hands on her shoulder to lead her inside, she paced obediently, without own wills like a plastic doll. Stairs, knob, scent of pine, warmth, her baggage on the floor, click of a door. She blinked. She was in the house, leaning against the front door. And she didn't feel like at home. Everything was familiar and simultaneously unfamiliar as well, the painted wood under her palms, the stairs across the hall – all were strange props in an unknown play.

"I suggest forgetting this little interlude and enjoying our time together," she heard her father's voice.

Somehow even before he spoke, she had known he would say this. And her stomach twitched. No. No. It wasn't right this way. Something was terribly wrong.

She never saw her mother's gaze. Theresa Pryde was watching her from the doorway of the living room, and was crying inwardly. Mother's heart couldn't be misled. She knew she'd lost Kitty somewhere beyond the range of genetic mutation long time ago. She squeezed her eyes shut as Kitty faced them.

The young X-man was trembling despite her coat and the heating as realization hit her. She'd been blind to perceive her life didn't bind her to Northbrook anymore. She was not able to fulfil her parents' secret dreams about their daughter's future. She was already far beyond the threshold where she could have still turned her back on the mutant life and live a normal one with conventions and traditions as she was expected. Northbrook always drew her back to a rate where she had a notion about herself being absolutely unable to make an own decision and still depended on her parents. Here she was always transformed back into the teenage girl she'd been when her powers manifested.

She felt the ropes and bindings around her body that tied her with her parents but could not still tear it up. It hurt.

She had to play her trump to save what she could.

"Sorry, Mum, Dad," she barely recognized her own voice. Every word was a pinprick in her throat. And soul. "I have to leave."

It was said. The die was cast.

"Darling, you have just arrived now."

There was no surprise in her mother's voice, no command, only pure entreaty. By contrast, her father looked pretty pissed off. Kitty was inwardly preparing for their consent to make her stay even if it meant they had to let Lance into their home, though she was fully aware of the irreversibility of the events.

"So you want to chase after him like a puppy? I won't tolerate this!" Carmen stated warningly.

"I was afraid you would say this," Kitty sighed, eyes filled with sorrow. Those ropes were bleeding. "I'm not gonna let him be alone again. We're going back to Bayville. I'm sorry." Despite her words she didn't budge.

"You're going nowhere. Do you really mean he'd stay by your side after he gets what he wants? Or are you dreaming of getting married to him? Do you think I raised you just to throw you into the arms of a thug at the end who wouldn't ever be enough to provide you a proper livelihood? What do you want? To be the wife of a cheater, fraud or worse? Or his shameless lover? I thought you were smarter, Kitty! Love or… _desire_," he practically spat the word, "won't feed you!" he finished in cold rage.

Kitty clentched her fists, her nails dug white crescents into her palm. How could they be able to understand her without having the faintest idea of her everyday life in Bayville? Still she didn't want to terrify them with admitting her fights against world-threatening monsters and unleashed mutant evils. How could they take the fact that their small young daughter is a kind of peace-fighter? They also hadn't seen her facing death with Lance, hadn't known anything about their petty quarrels and need for getting back together again. After all the things they'd been through together, their relationship grew more than a silly, teenage burst of feelings. It was settled deep inside her, braced her as an abundant source of vigour in many occasions when she needed something to make her carry on.

"You don't understand this," she whispered, stalking towards her baggage and grabbing its handle. "I have a life to live. I had to take this step once. If you can't accept my decision we have to part here."

"Don't dare, Katherine…" Carmen grasped her arm to hold her back but she phased through his grip with no effort. He snatched back his hand as if she'd burnt him, a bit shocked.

"You see?" she observed, her face distant and more hurt than ever before. "I don't belong to your world anymore. I haven't belonged since I found out what I am. I'm not gonna leave the mutant world and yes, Lance, for anything. Neither for your will. Sorry, I love you but you wanna bind and browbeat me into a role I can't play."

She stepped to the door as her father raised his voice once again.

"If you step out that door, there would be no turning-back."

This time though, her mother didn't remain in silence.

"Hang on a minute, Carmen!" she rebuked her husband gently but with force. In that second she looked like her daughter very much. "You cannot disown her. I as well have a say in this matter, I'm, after all, her mother."

"She won't be hanging out with that filthy thug, not with my approval," Carmen turned to her wife, growing angry again.

Kitty saw the situation was about to explode into an endless war so she decided to leave. Even if they'd let her to stay, she wouldn't have wanted to. Not after a fight like this. Too heavy words had been casted at each other. "Merry Christmas."

She wasn't sure they heard her. It was so sad she had to part her home nearly unnoticed and leaving nothing but discord behind. So this is how childhood ends, she wondered. Among yells and uncried tears. Welcome, Kitty Pryde, to the world of adulthood.

She stepped out of the house and dashed away after Lance without looking back. If she did so, she'd have cried.

In the meantime Lance was sitting on a bench in a park nearby. He tried to consider all possibilities that provided him the chance to spend one more day in Northbrook. He didn't have to waste too much time in this process. Beside the orphanage and his last two foster homes he knew only his former pals in the town. Well, none of them was enough attractive to give it a try. He was about to get up and walk away to hitch-hike or find any other possibilities to get back to Bayville when he heard the noise of rolling wheels of a surely heavy suitcase against the concrete sidewalk. Glancing up, he caught sight of a desperate Kitty craning her neck in the frantic searching for something or better to say someone.

He crossed the road in haste, feeling a fit of joy and compassion in the same time. He could imagine what had happened in the Pryde house. Kitty threw herself into his arms, clinging to him for dear life.

"I…I just left them. They would never understand me. Nothing's changed since that night, nothing at all. They're pretending nothing's happened to me and I'm pretending the same. They turn a blind eye to my mutation but I got tired of it."

Her face was flushed and troubled, silky brown locks curtained off her eyes. Lance cupped her chin reassuringly, his fingers brushing her ears softly.

"It's okay now, Kitten. Maybe you finally managed to open their eyes with your departure."

"I don't think so," she stared at the ground, still clunching his sweater. She was so lonely, so lost and wrecked. "I don't know anything."

"Then it makes two of us," he smirked weakly. Once her dear smile flared up on her face, he leaned down and kissed her lovingly as if he hadn't kissed her for years. Still feeling awkward under the state what their former friendship transformed into, she was hesitant and shy. Soon she got the hang of it, though, and melting into his hug, she kissed him back with all her heart. Here in his arms everything felt just so simply right.

"Now where shall we go?" he asked finally. She bit her lip, still a bit blushed, thinking hard.

"I don't wanna go back to the Institute. We'd be separated again."

Both of them knew the truth was she still wasn't ready to leave the town.

"Then what? I sure as hell don't have enough dough for a hotelroom," he admitted through gritted teeth.

"I as well don't have enough," she pouted her lips, then beamed. "I have an idea."

"Oh, great. Just don't say it's another kind relative of yours," he snickered. Kitty laughed briefly.

"Well, actually, she is. My father's aunt. She lives alone in a small house in the other part of the town. I like her very much. I guess there's a chance she would let us stay there. If not, we can still travel back home, huh? Let's get a bus."


	3. Troubled Paradise

**Chapter 3: Troubled Paradise **

"Are you sure?" Lance asked Kittí for the fifth time that day as they were walking down a silent, narrow street towards her relative's house. "What if your parents were to visit her for Christmas?"

"I don't think so. We're Jewish and don't celebrate Christmas. Normally. And Hanukah is already gone."

"But you weren't here during Hanukah, were you?"

"We always postpone the celebration," she tittered. "And we usually have a Christmas-tree as well." At Lance's surprised look she added. "You know when I was a child I envied my classmates their Christmas-trees and other customs related, so I was begging and begging until I obtained a pine. Thus it'd become the custom from then on."

Sad, tactful silence fell between them and it lasted til Kitty stopped her pace in front of a small, old house. Lance didn't want to ask a new 'what-if' type question, therefore he followed her obediently.

"She's a bit deaf so speak loudly," she whispered to him though judging by her sentence there was no need for this, and knocked on the door.

Lance swallowed. There was no way he'd feel uneasy because of an old, half-deaf lady.

And there was no need to. The small, old woman with bead-grey knot of hair was everything but fearsome.

"I can't believe my eyes," she clapped her hands in glee. "This is my little darling Kitty!"

"Yes, it's me," the young mutant exclaimed joyfully, throwing her arms around the lady. There was a moment of rejoicing while Lance shifted from the left foot to the other and felt terribly forgotten. He'd never been involved in a family life therefore he felt awkward and always thought these scenes were too mushy for his stomach. Then the attention turned to him, heightening his unease.

"This is my friend, Lance Alvers," Kitty introduced him. The lady gave him a thorough once-over and he was blessing himself for putting on his hole-less jeans. He was sure, however, he cut a miserable figure. She then looked severely right into his eyes and cracked.

"You mean, boyfriend, huh?" she didn't even wait for confirmation. In the next second, to his utter surprise he received the second kindest smile in his life. The first, of course, belonged to Kitty. "Welcome here, dear boy."

Ten minutes later he was sitting upstairs in a small, tiny room where he had to share the bed with Kitty, and while Kitty was downstairs with her Auntie Ann to discuss, his doomster side was waiting for a get-out command that never arrived.

xxxxxx

"My parents were indeed going to visit Auntie," Kitty remarked as they were sitting on the bus on the way to the centre of Northbrook. "She, however, cancelled it."

"Won't they form a suspicion?" Lance asked her, fidgeting.

"I don't think so."

She turned her head to the window and sank into silence. The bus was nearly empty as they were jolting through the town.

He knew, he _felt_ she was not alright. Her reserve and sadness was so clear that he could tell she was near to desperation even if he didn't see her face. Her emotions were flowing towards him like a dark muddy flood of silt.

He had woken up at night once to find Kitty's place empty next to him. He couldn't fall asleep til she finally came back and though he didn't reveal he was awake, he could sense she had been crying.

And just as at night he didn't have a clue how to behave in such situations. Despite her intention of disguising her trouble, Kitty obviously needed consolation or at least some soft words but as he'd never gotten any in his life, he didn't even know how to give comfort to someone. It was so exasperating that he was held back by his own past with lack of caress and warmth. It was so exasperating he intended to reach out to hold her close but was frozen. How coward he was when it came to feelings! How many walls and shields did still tower between them?

"Look who is that over there," a whimpering voice split through the air. Lance looked up to see two snickering girls nearby, gazing to their direction. "Isn't this our little lost Kitty-cat?" one of the girls with dark-blonde curly hair pointed a finger.

Next to Lance Kitty tossed her head on hearing her name. As her body stiffened and her hands turned into solid fists, Lance finally recognized the two bullies from Kitty's PE class at Northbrook High.

"Oh, my, how I missed her!" the curly one giggled, much far from the intention to lower her voice so as to gain as much attention as possible.

The other chic with short blonde hair let out an evil chuckle. "She didn't even change, see? The same pinky, fluffy girly-girl, mew." Both of them burst out in a fit of knowing laughter.

"I told you she couldn't be that mutie in the TV," Curly nudged her friend. "She isn't that frightening type. Hey, Kitty, don't you greet your old friends?"

"Okay, I'm gonna hurl them out of here as a decent greeting," Lance snarled but Kitty grasped his wrist, her face blushed, eyes staring at the floor so intensely as if she wanted to phase through it or disappear behind the back-rest. Lance frowned and shot a withering glance at the two idiots before squeezing Kitty's small hand.

"Here we are!" Kitty said suddenly, pushing Lance aside to make him stand up. While they were filing to the rear door they could still hear a stunned, ironic remark from behind.

"No, impossible. He can't be her boyfriend. She simply is a little saint virgin."

"Why didn't you let me kick their pathetic asses?" Lance asked her indignantly once they got off the bus. "And why didn't you even say anything at all?"

Kitty didn't answer. Storming down the streets blindly, she was boiling with a terrific mixture of anger, shame and disappointment. Lance had to jog a bit if he wanted to catch her up.

"Kitty…?" he grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to cease her break-neck pace.

And he became shocked by the sight of her face. Those normally cheerful eyes were now so heart-rendingly forlorn, full of tears and shame and hurt.

"You're crying…" he stammered still dumbfounded and uneasy as Kitty buried her face into her hands to conceal herself. At first it was impossible to understand her words and Lance could only guess.

"I… I thought I've changed. I thought I became stronger and can't be hurt by a bunch of stupid bimbos. But no! I had to sit there with limp tongue, struck and totally dumb," her voice was an essence of fluid irony. Lance was taken aback by this new edge of her soft voice. "I'm so disappointed in myself. They were right I'm exactly what they've been telling me I was; a pathetic, gutless loser who can be locked easily into a locker and laughed at."

"And how easily you can phase through that very locker…" Lance reminded her.

"That doesn't matter… I… feel so dead lost," she hugged herself, sniffing.

Lance pondered whether to mention his thoughts. "It's because of your parents. Why don't you just go back and make it up with them? You shouldn't have quarreled with them. Not for me"

"It wasn't only because of you. I had to do it for me. Can't you see? I had to move on. I thought I was ready for that. I've been pretending to be mature who is aware of responsibility and obligation but I'm just a silly child who cannot live without her mummy holding her hand and telling her what to do."

"You know that's not true. It's just not a flash to break with your past. Tell me where your Mum was when you fought Apocalypse? Where was she when you fought the Sentinel or Juggernaut? Where was she in the past two years?" he stopped speaking, eyes darting to the buildings nearby. His face broke into a grimace. "I know this helluva goddamned filthy town is to blame for this all. It pulls you back like a swamp. We should have never come back." He shook his head earnestly. "Don't ever look back, Kitty, there's no sense in it."

She appeared to be considering it for a moment, slowly taking on a gloomy determination. "No, it's good we're here. Now this is gonna be my hardest battle… 'cause I have to fight none other than myself."

"But not alone, Kitty. I'm here to support you," he insisted, looking right into her eyes. She beamed slightly.

"I'm so happy that I have you," Kitty enfolded him shyly, thankfully. It was an unintentional and spontaneous movement.

She could feel him tense up. Upon intending to draw back she finally felt his arms fold around her waist. He was puzzled with himself. He'd never had any problems treating girls (honestly, the way he acted with girls could barely called a proper 'treating') but at least never had difficulty to enjoy it, mostly selfishly. With Kitty it was something else, however. She was more than a hasty, short fling for him. He wanted to make her pleased and satisfied and it caused him to feel awkward for never experiencing the urge to make a good impression. For her he had feelings, affection, care, a tender bond. It wasn't a mere hug, one among many. Every time he hugged her, he reached out for her through the mass of emotions that melted his bones and gave him the feeling of the weightlessness of soft, fleecy clouds. He knew, though he never felt it before, that it was the closest thing that man called love.

"Me too," he whispered against her soft hair and thought he had never felt a sentence more right than this.

"Ooh, I haven't been to a fun-fair for… uhh, I don't know," Kitty recoiled gleefully, ready to rush to the first fun-vehicle.

They had decided to have some fun together and since that was the last day that year when the Fun-fair of Northbrook was open they agreed to take a visit there. Of course, the park was full of shrieking kids, hauling enormous stuffed animals and wearing colourful funny hats. The two young mutants halted in the middle of the park and eyed the many facilities for having fun. Or for a substantial vomiting, as Lance remarked sarcastically.

"Umm, I wouldn't like to take a ride on the Ferris wheel if you don't mind. You know I don't like feeling plunging," Kitty admitted, recalling her old nightmare on that fateful night.

"Okay. And I'd like to skip the roller-coaster. It wouldn't be a romantic ride…" he said with a half-smirk, running a hand through his perpetually messy hair.

Kitty held his hand lovingly, mischief glistening in her shiny blue eyes. "Then it leaves us nothing but… the ghost-train!"

"Oh, god, that's for kids and twits!" Lance tried to protest but his girlfriend was persistent.

By the afternoon they took a few rides on the ghost train and the carousel much to the amusement of the children around them; got lost in a maze of mirrors so much that in the end when Lance had collected a pile of light bruises by knocking against glasses camouflaged as passageways, Kitty had to phase them through the obstacles. They ate lollipops and a bunch of surely unhealthy products. Lunchtime was long gone when they finally left the fun-fair and dropped in an eating place for a decent lunch. The skies were a bit dull when they arrived at the most popular city park in Northbrook.

"I have a good idea what to do," Kitty suggested happily, winking at him. "You're gonna love it…"

"Why do I have the feeling I'm gonna hate it?" he grumbled but followed the excited girl through the park.

It was a good weather with mild wind; he didn't feel cold despite his light clothing. However he felt cold shiver running down his spine when he observed where Kitty was pulling him.

"Dammit, I told you it's not fun, I already hate this!" he exclaimed, goggling at the joyful people skating around leasurely behind a waist-deep bar fencing off the skating rink. Kitty only giggled and handed him his pairs of hired skating boots.

Standing shakily on his skates and clinging on to the bar like a mad, he was watching Kitty dancing invitingly in front of him. He shook his head, unwilling to stir a single finger. "There's no way I'd ever set a foot on this horrible icy… _mmmph_," his sentence was left unfinished for good as his lips became busy at a more pleasurable activity than speaking.

Kitty encircled him with her arms tightly and longingly, pressing her slim body to his, driving both of them near to edge. Undetectively for him, they were slowly looping onto the layer of ice.

"God, it's worth a little falling," Lance grinned, pure yearning in his dark eyes.

"You're not gonna fall, I'm holding you tight," she assured him, amused.

He smirked at her. "I'm still worried, would you, please, hold me tighter?"

Kitty chuckled, feeling the heat rise to her cheeks. "Now it's time for a little ice dancing." She freed herself from his embrace and started to backing away, pulling him by the hands.

"Whoooaaahhhh, Kittyyy…" he gazed at the icy ground below his feet in pure terror. He'd never been skating before, unless slipping on the smoothed, frozen puddles on the courtyard with other orphan boys could have been called skating. "Not that fast…"

Kitty tittered mercilessly. "You're so adorable when playing the timid guy."

"I'm not playing it. I do fear!" he said in a fake huff but was betrayed by his own faint smile. His courage was rewarded with further kisses as they intertwined in the middle of the skating rink.

"Mmm… excuse me for a minute," Kitty mumbled against his lips, glaring behind him evilly.

"No, don't dare leave me here alone!" But Kitty was away in a flash, ignoring her boyfriends's desperate attempt at finding a stable stance.

Surprised, Lance's eyes followed her rush. She was whisking gracefully but determinedly through the rink, zigzagging among the small, shaky group of people. Her ponytail fluttering behind her, hands outstretched, Kitty cried out rudely upon approaching two haughty skaters parading their talents. "Watch out, bitch!"

And in an instant as the girls looked up, surprised, catching sight of Kitty thundering towards them within a two metres distance she phased ceremoniously through one of them. Though no collision happened, the girl who was none other than Riley the Curly Queen of Bullies fell ingloriously to the ground, her legs pointing to the opposite direction, having bumped her butt apparently badly. Being obviously reluctant to believe their eyes, the girls were watching Kitty absolutely dumbfounded as she broke sharply and made an elegant U-turn, then broke into another chase after the fellow bully-maker Amie. She was obviously out for the two girls. Eying Kitty running towards her, ready to go through her as a ghost and considering her friend's ignominious and not less mysterious end, Amie resolved to make a run for her life, her face in a mere horror. She didn't get too far since in her haste she tried to skate through Riley and the two friends ended up in a pulsating pile on the ice.

Laughing whole-heartedly with a hint of evil, Kitty skated round them and made her way back to her boyfriend who was still miraculously standing on his skates which were persistently willing to part with each other.

"Wow, nice pirouette," Lance praised her.

Kitty's eyes sparkled. "Glad you like it."

"Umm, feeling better?"

Kitty feigned a hard brooding before bursting into giggle. "Totally."

"I'm proud of you, baby," he kissed her, grinning.

"Okay, so much for skating today," was her long-awaited offer and Lance was content to obey her.

They decided to have a cup of hot chocolate in a nearby café. After warming up, the two stepped out of the sweet-smelling shop to find sparkling snowflakes pouring on the streets, covering everything with white blanket.

"Finally, it's snowing!" Kitty opened her arms to the skies, looking as if bathing in white fluffs. "The most beautiful moment in winter."

Lance was simply smiling. Kitty appeared to love all the seasons and the whole world as it was. So unlike him. And still, her enthusiasm and joy seemed to be sticky, melting his ice-shields in a way as nothing else could.

She was so beautiful standing there in the snowfall, with fluffs on her eyelashes and hair. Her smiling blue eyes were reflecting the pure whiteness of the snow. She removed her gloves to catch the snowflakes, watching them melt away as – unknown for her - Lance as well could melt away by touching her skin. Across from her he couldn't move a finger. He did his best to tear his gaze away from her before it was too late but couldn't. He felt his stomach twitch and knew very well it had nothing to do with his lunch. Feeling the heat rising to his cheeks it was a pain not to touch her whether she was real and his.

They threw themselves into building snowmen but soon as it turned out they'd planned to have a huger snowman than the mass of snow around them so they ended up with a giant snowball for body and a really small one for the head. Lance raked about an empty McDonald's hamburger box somewhere, putting it to the snow-heap functioning as hands, and looked down at his work, satisfied. Next to him, Kitty giggled upon recognizing the figure.

"I guess Blob would be very glad on hearing we were thinking of him during a romantic snowman building," Kitty mused.

Lance shot her a mischievous glance. "And before a fierce snowball fight in which, no mistaking, I'm gonna defeat you mercilessly."

"Haha, you wish, loser! Just try it," she challenged, and with that the first snowball of the evening was sent into air, just to phase through her intangible form.

"Hey, that's unfair," Lance complained, and as his concentration slipped he barely could avoid her snowy response. "Oooh, your aim is lame, honey," he teased, causing himself some trouble with a pissed-off girlfriend who latched on to him persistently with her snowballs hailing down on him nonstop.

"Okay, you twit, run for your life," she warned him, bitting back a laughter.

Lance halted, turned towards her, taking a quick glance around. "Geee, after all I am called _Avalanche_, dammit," he smirked, sending a very slight tremor through the ground and making a bold tree shake its weight down on her.

"Aaaarrggh-" Kitty brushed the snow off her shoulder, hurling herself on him.

Shocked, he looked down. His legs were pretty stuck in their snow-Blob as she had phased them through. He didn't have much time to react as he lost his balance and tumbled down the ground. As his last effort he pulled along his gloating girlfriend and they ended up in an amazing pile with the company of the snowman.

"You see? I said I was going to win," he noted with boyish smile as he hugged her close.

"Don't delude yourself, dumbhead," she pecked him on the nose, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "We're totally drenched. I don't wanna catch a cold. Mmm, what about going home and having a cup of warm drink, wrapping up in a blanket and doing nothing at all?"

"Cool thing." A wild grin spread on his face on this thought.

Indeed, it turned out a wonderful evening. Once home, they pulled the couch to a window, and snuggling up to each other with a blanket around their bodies, with a cup of tea in hands they were watching the snowfall as the world became peaceful and silent. Lance was sure, if there was happiness, sitting with Kitty in his arms, listening to her breath and falling asleep slowly, light-heartedly was sure that.


	4. Ghosts, sins, lies

**Note:** I re-edited a bit, corrected a few mistakes. Thanks for reading.

---

**Chapter 4: Ghosts, sins, lies **

Next day promised to be an excellent one. In the morning much to the delight of Kitty's aunt, Lance volunteered to shovel the snow away that had fallen during the night on the pavements and lawns, covering the hedges with snowcaps. When he was sure no one could see him he used his powers a bit to loosen the contiguous blanket of snow around him. It was fun to experiment with his powers, sending so slight, precise and gentle tremors through the ground that were almost imperceptible. Meanwhile Kitty and her aunt were bustling about in the kitchen, baking cookies which were waiting for him steamingly, sweet-scentedly when he finally came in with red nipped fingers and cheeks. Kitty kissed him, sharing her warmth and taste with him.

After lunch they decided to take a walk. The centre of the town showed somewhat sad spectacle as the white snow transformed into brownish slush. They were strolling along hidden streets towards the Northbrook Plaza that were multiplying the whiteness with its reflective glasses.

"Where shall we go?" Lance asked, his hands in his pocket. Farther away, two homeless men were rummaging in the dustbins clothed in filthy raincoat and knitted cap, half of their body disappeared among the spilled litter.

Moving closer to Lance, Kitty threaded her arm through the hook of his elbow, biting her lips. "Well, in fact, I have a place that I'm curious about but it won't thrill you…"

"Oh, come on, it can't be worse than the skating rink," he pressed her, curling his lips.

"Umm…" she hummed, unsurely. She was about to speak when someone called out behind them.

"Alvers, watch this!" croaked a voice.

Both of them turned around in line, much surprised. It wasn't Lance who was called for, only one of the tramps tossed up his head and reeled towards the other, dragging a large, shabby bag with him. They started conferring above a discarded radio, which was lying with wrecked edges on the snow.

Lance turned back sharply, striking up a quick speed. "Don't you come?" he wondered, looking back at her as Kitty lingered behind. Jolted out of her staring, she paced after him, trying to adapt to his long steps.

There was a long, heavy silence fallen between them, she could feel Lance's attempt to behave as if no interruption had happened. She wasn't willing to that.

"Lance…," she spoke up, immediately aware of his body tensing up. A dark frown touched his face. "Wasn't he called Alvers?"

He was quiet for a second before shrugging nonchalantly. "I guess so."

Kitty didn't know how to say what could make him angry. "Then… like… can't he be…?" She was cut short as he snapped.

"What?!"

"Maybe your relative," she blurted out. Lance's eyes flared up.

"Do you think I'm the only Alvers in the world? Or because he's a filthy tramp he must be my relative?"

"No… like… I didn't mean it," she protested. "But you know, like, this is only Northbrook."

"And? If he is who the hell cares?" he scowled at her.

"Okay, sorry, that was just a guessing, forget it," she dismissed the conversation with a wave of hand.

For what seemed forever, they were strolling down the streets in complete silence. One of them unwilling to worsen the situation with more words, the other still in huff. Glittering snowflakes were drizzling down on their heads from the overloaded branches of wayside trees. Everything was calm, save for their own souls. Lance took a deep breath, clearing his throat.

"So what's the place you wanna visit?" he asked, running a hand through his hair. Kitty seemed to sink into deeper trouble.

"I… umm… your orphanage…" she uttered quietly. Lance gaped with disbelief.

"No way! Why would I, why would _you_?"

"I… Lance," she sighed, suddenly looking desperate. She stopped still. "I so wanna get involved into your life. I wouldn't feel you're inclined to let me get in."

"That's… that's not true," he disclaimed, nevertheless unable to meet her gaze.

"It is. How could I be honest to you if you ain't honest to me? I don't even know anything about you."

"You're the part of my present, Kitty, you don't need my past to know me better. Hell, you'd better know nothing about that."

"You don't get the picture," she shook her head sadly. "I do need it 'cause it's built you up, influenced and formed your personality. If I'd like to know you, understand you I'm gonna need to know what had happened to you before we met. I'm not gonna condemn you, nor put you wise. There's no use to hide behind walls and silence."

Lance tousled his hair with a nervous movement. Deep inside he was aware of the truth in her words. "Okay, we can walk there if you want it so much but it's just an ugly filthy building in a filthy district. Nothing special."

Kitty sighed heavily. "Showing me the orphanage isn't necessary either but it could help you to open up. If you don't wanna lead me there, no problem. Just talk to me sometimes."

"Not much to say," Lance mumbled, busy examining the street around them, though actually seeing nothing. Kitty reached out for his wrist, stepping closer to him. He still avoided her eyes, when spoke up, voice barely above a whisper. "I don't wanna scare you." It wasn't what he planned to say. _I don't wanna lose you._

Kitty laughed with the less hint of joy. "Oh Lance, scare me? Come on! You can't even believe that!" There was a soft, amused light in her eyes. "Gosh, if I'd like to know something about you, I better get a private detective."

"The police will do," Lance moaned, nearly despite himself. Kitty looked surprised.

"The police? You mean… you were arrested?"

"Kinda… uh," he released a troubled breath. He seemed to shrink as his shoulders fell. "Okay, maybe I had to come back here with you to face my damn past. Or rather, to show it to you. In other case, I might never have told anything about it and that's unfair." He was speaking rather to himself than Kitty, his eyes faraway and lost and somehow resigned. "You should know it; I don't wanna lie or keep things back from you anymore. It's a shame. You must see me in my true colours and judge me as I deserve it." _And then leave me._

"Oh, dear," she stroked his jawline cursorily before wrapping her arms around his. Her lips curling into a loving, forbearing smile, she whispered. "Do you really think you could say something so bad that I'd leave you?"

"Something? Not. But a bunch of little bad things, yes. Pretty enough for you to turn my sorry ass out of doors." he started off at random. Kitty followed him without asking where they were going to.

"Let me decide this by myself," her voice was gentle but peremptory at the same time. "So what about the police?"

"Not much. I was arrested once or twice but since I was under age and already child in care they let me out of the lock-up after a few days. I guess they intended to let the orphanage bother with me. Huhh, and they did," he snorted, recalling all those punishments he got after being released. "Anyway, I do have records."

"What did you commit?"

"Uhh, mostly vandalism," he shrugged.

"Like painting the lockers red?" Kitty chuckled shortly, earning a faint smile from him.

"Kinda," he bowed his head, locks hiding his eyes. "Of course, not all my little acts earned me a jail. I committed a lot of fool things here. Anything I could get money for. Hole-and-corner deals, sometimes stealing, illegal streetfights, car races and wagers."

"Illegal streetfights?" she echoed in horror.

"Yeah, kinda box-matches without gear."

"And you were the one who fought? But… how old were you?" stunned, her face lost its colour. Lance, no matter how blameworthy it was, couldn't help but feel a tinge of warmth seeing her eyes filled with concern. He shrugged airily, not planning to make her more concerned.

"Umm, fifteen? I was quite tall for my age, no one cared that I was under age," touching his chin, he went on. "Well, I have to admit I always cheated a bit. When my opponent was about to deliver a punch, I sent a slight tremor through the ground right under his feet, just enough strong for him to lose his balance thus I could knock him out. My pals, meanwhile, used to place oodles of money on me, so with my winnings it was enough for a while."

Kitty knitted her brows, feeling a cold shiver run down her spine. "But you couldn't win like this always!"

"Umm, well…" running a hand through his hair, he broke into a nervous laugh. "Honestly, no, I couldn't. Of course, sometimes I was beaten hard. No big deal."

"Holy God…" Kitty took his hand, grasping as if never wanted to release again. "No big deal, yeah? Oh, my dear fool."

"Yes I was," he agreed, fixing his eyes on her face for the first time. "You can think poorly of me, Kitty, cuz I was no good at all but being always in shortage of dough didn't help it and I figured I shouldn't let myself be choosy. I know it's no excuse though."

Kitty was quiet. Always having lived a life of ease, she tried to imagine a life where getting a D on a pop quiz was the last problem on a long list which started with obtaining enough money for food and growing accustomed to the occasional lack of heating. As a young girl she never thought with those children in the poor side of Northbrook. Not in the least out of indifference. She simply wasn't aware of their existence. She had a middle class life with middle class neighbours, friends and relatives; little did she know about the likes of Lance Alvers living in a crowded orphanage and sleeping with a bunch of other troublesome boys in a room. And now subsequently Kitty Pryde of today scorned the blind herself of that time, feeling ashamed. Deep inside, however, she knew she should condemn him according to her education and she was sure in the past she would have done it but now she wasn't the same Kitty Pryde.

Lance misunderstood her silence and locked himself away. And she felt it. It could have been so easy to utter those words loudly that were lingering inside her with a tickling sensation for days, weeks or months but it may have been too early. And still it hurt having them stuck in.

"I… I wish I could…" she murmured without knowing what she was exactly yearning for. Lance looked at her. And somehow simply gazing at each other made him understand her without the need for more words.

Soon they were wandering in narrow, dark streets where the snow wasn't shoveled away and covered the pavements with its grey mass. Lance's steps seemed to be purposive and she suspected they were approaching his orphanage. Here the houses were smaller and shady, occupying narrow building lots, surrounded by untidy courtyards. Deserted streets crossed each other under blind street lamps with shattered lampshades. It was already getting dark, heavy clouds covered the skies menacingly.

"Weren't you scared here?" Kitty asked glancing around suspiciously at the huge branchy shrubs. Lance cracked a bitter laugh.

"I guess it was me, Kitty-cat, who should have been feared here."

On one point Lance crossed the road and headed towards a strikingly, and compared to its surroundings, unusually large courtyard behind ironbar fences. An army of clumsy snowmen was facing a wide, shabby looking building with lattice windows and dirty walls and also visible to the naked eye there were cracks and holes kicked in the plaster among discoloured graffitis. A single trace of a car indicated the crumbled pathway that led to the house, a span wide long split could be seen through the blanket of snow that disfigured the worn, here and there visible flagstones. All in all it was a poor spectacle.

"Welcome to the wrong side of the tracks. This is the other face of Northbrook, a disgraceful blot where I belong to." Lance widened his arms as he presented the place of his childhood. Kitty scowled.

"Who cares where you _did_ belong to? Cause I don't." She stepped to the fences, peeking into the courtyard. He moved next to her, fingers twining round the ironbars. His face distant and full of memories.

Spying an old spoiled car which could have thanked him among others for its bad condition, he snorted. "Oh dammit, Bakers still working here kicking asses?"

Kitty gave him a gloomy glare. "He assaulted you kids?"

Lance fell into a short, pondering silence. "Not that much as we abused each other," he said finally with a sneer. "I guess you can easily find out who is responsible for that pretty crack across the track," he added, snickering. Kitty shook her head with mock disapproval at the sight of his proud face.

"And… like, how old were you when… you know…" she faltered, feeling uneasy. Lance cocked his brows.

"When I got here?" his voice was as neutral as if he was speaking of someone else. Shrugging, he responded, "I don't know. About four."

"So young?" she gasped, suddenly growing very sad though she was careful not to show pity for him. "And what happened to your parents?"

"Who knows?" he huffed, his voice becoming lower.

"You don't know?"

"Well, honestly, I don't _care_! Why would I? It's not as if I was the one who abandoned them."

"_Abandoned?_ I thought they died or something," she squeaked.

"No."

"So they still alive?" she mused. Lance pushed himself away from the fence and started to walk off.

"Who knows? But you shouldn't feel sorry for me. I wasn't the only one," he pointed to the line of windows. Kitty followed him, sensing his reluctance to talk about it thus she decided to keep her questions for herself though she was eager to ask so many things.

"Hey, I know where we are," she said after a few minutes' silent walk as they reached a nice avenue. "Here was my ballet-school."

"What?" Lance laughed. "How is that? You used to study ballet, love dancing and nonetheless were that lame in gym?"

"Heeey," she slapped him playfully on the arm, trying to show grudge. "I wasn't that bad."

"No offense, baby, but you were," he pulled her close with a naughty smile and kissed her lovingly.

Lance was actually in bad mood and he couldn't bring up a reason for it. His head seemed to be a crowded place lately, and foggy. Thoughts and memories were attacking his mind in bulk, each trying to tear him apart. Hell. Here he had a few days to enjoy his life with Kitty and he had nothing else in mind than the usual crap. Figures.

Kitty suggested watching a movie after late lunch and Lance agreed. Truth be told, he was hoping to distract his thoughts by focusing on such a simple and light case as a film.

It didn't work. At about the tenth minute of the film he realized he had lost the thread to understand what was going on on the screen and it was far from being capable to hold his attention.

"Hey, you sleeping?" Kitty nudged him suddenly, when everyone except for him burst out laughing. Lance, stirred out of his brooding, tossed his head.

"No… yes," he smirked. "I couldn't sleep a wink at night since you were snoring so loudly."

"Oooh, you're gonna be punched for it," Kitty chuckled, boxing his arms softly. He leaned closer, whispering into her ear hoarsely, his grin obvious.

"I can't wait for that…"

Kitty turned her face towards him and their lips locked affectionately. In fact, when they had gone to bed last night it really took him much effort to fall asleep for he minded so desperately not to touch her under the blanket. Having her breathing peacefully so near to him, eyes closed, bangs falling in her forehead, lips slightly parted, she was so beautiful, so pure and so far from what he'd ever had lying next to him that it almost hurt; he'd felt the temptation torturing him.

Panting, Kitty sighed against his lips, giggling, "Oh, movies, oh blessed darkness."

Before Lance could answer, an ever so upset voice interrupted. "Would you two lovebirds stop making out in front of me?"

Kitty reeled back, blushing while Lance tryed to shrink to his smallest form by sinking back in his seat. Normally he wouldn't have cared a rap but this time was different. He recognized the voice. The voice from the past, the voice of a boy he didn't feel like meeting again. It was Pete, he was dead sure, his former so-called friend or better to say partner in crime.

It was an additional punch in his guts. No matter how hard he wished to hide from his past it always hit upon him in the end. He was reminded of his failures in the worst way. There was nothing in the world he wanted less than to introduce those two jerks to Kitty.

He noticed the film had ended only because his mind was working exactly on the problem how to disappear from his buddy's eyes when the lights were going to be switched on. Eventually he preferred to stay with face buried in his hands as the audience filed out, oblivious of Kitty's surprised look. He stole a glance at the retrieving backs and caught sight not only of Pete but his other mate, Griff. Oh, God, don't let me run into them again, he begged, leaning his head back. Sighing, he flashed a shaky smile at Kitty and slowly, cautiously followed her outside.


	5. An inherited hell on Earth

****

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**Note: Lance may be a little angsty and I was a little cruel, lol. I hope you don't mind;)**

Note2: I re-edited a bit, corrected a few mistakes.

---

**Chapter 5: An inherited hell on earth **

Less than two days were left to Christmas Eve. Next morning the two exiled mutants were much reluctant to part each other upon arriving at the Northbrook Plaza with its modest facilities lined up, yet Kitty insisted on getting her own way. She planned to get some presents for those of her friends whom she hadn't found any yet, and of course something for Lance. As she made sure Lance strolled down the corridor, she made her way into the first shop.

After ten minutes desperate search for gifts she already felt horribly strained. Flipping through some clothes hangers, she sighed. What was she supposed to buy for Jean? Or Scott? Peeking out of the window, she caught sight of someone standing down on the sidewalk who caused a load of questions and thoughts overflow her mind. Without much thinking she rushed out of the shop and the plaza as well.

What am I doing, she asked herself once she reached the extremely shabby and alcohol smelling tramp they had seen on the day before. The one with the name _Alvers_.

"Umm…" she muttered, swallowing a huge lump in her throat. The man looked up hearing her faint mumbling. He had a terrific face though the main part of it was hidden behind unkempt beard; bloodshot eyes with rings round them pierced into hers. He was at least one head taller than Kitty and it didn't make her feel easy.

"What d'you want?" the man thundered at her, his voice low and much like a rasp.

"Well, the question is whether _you are_ willing to make some money?" she slipped her hand into her pocket. "I'm a freshman of social studies and I collect information for an essay. I've got ten dollars for you and everything you have to do is answering some questions _honestly_."

She could see his eyes lighten up greedily. His face lost its peevish edge and became almost affable that was as alarming as his previous face.

"Whatever, lady," he bowed his head jovially. Kitty tried her best not to grimace. In the first minutes she asked some general, uninteresting things about his name and path of life, just to be sure he was the one who she wanted to speak to – and to make him unsuspecting.

"How did you end up here?" she inquired as he became talkative. He broke into grinning.

"Oh, it was easy. Women, cards, sweet alcohol."

Keeping her not much flattering opinion to herself, Kitty went on. "Do you have a family?"

A hoarse snort. "No, thanks God… M' wife's in the cemetery if you have questions also for her", he added, apparently amused.

"So you got here after her death I suppose."

The man sneered at her. "Guessed wrong. Don't think I was the monster who drove her to death, huhh. She was a mere slut. Happy family story, heh?"

"And what about the children?" she blurted out, unable to hold herself back any more.

"Never had."

Kitty could tell there was something in his eyes that betrayed him. "Never?"

"I said so, are you deaf?" he glowered at her, momentarily falling out of his oh so polite manner.

"And I said to answer my questions _honestly._"

"Alright, yes, I had a son. Satisfied?" he huffed nervously.

Kitty felt her heart pounding almost loudly. "What happened to him?"

"He died," he stated briefly and a bit fast.

"Tsk, tsk. If you wanna get your money…"

"Goddamn hell, kay. But what if you don't like my answer? You may keep the money."

"I won't," she waved impatiently. "So what's with him?"

"I don't know where he is. He may be indeed dead. We left him somewhere, I don't remember, in front of a pharmacy or grocery, who cares?"

"What?" she exclaimed a little bit too fiercely. Forcing herself calm down, she continued more quietly. "But he was just a child. How could you do that?"

"He was just another mouth to feed. I rather feed m'self then a dumb kid. He was absolutely unwanted."

"And you… you just left him to the mercy of the world…" she gaped, her fists trembling.

The tramp seemingly grew nervous. "Yes, yes, yes. I left him. He surely got into an orphanage if he had luck. Or unluck. Who cares, it was more than ten years ago. Or fifteen? I don't even remember."

"Haven't you ever regretted it?" she asked, eyes widened in horror and hurt and disbelief.

"Regret? What are you after all? A damned priest?"

"But he was your own son! Haven't you felt any attachment for him?" she was practically shouting.

"Hell, no, I haven't! For ten filthy dollars I should hear your crappy preaching through? Be strong, it's been all worth that," he roared back.

"Great! And do you think it's life?" she scoffed, running her gaze along his clothes.

"More life than what my wife has now," was the selfish answer, followed by an ironic snort and a rough laughter. "But how could you daddy's little girl in your swanky clothes understand the life of those from the slum?!"

"What was his name?" she demanded to know the last, most important thing. The conversation didn't take the best direction at all. The man stared at her as if she had spoken in an unknown language.

"Why the hell do you need it? What kind of an essay is this, after all?" he asked suspiciously but when meeting Kitty's stern look, he added nonchalantly. "Dominik. Better?"

"What?" She had steeled herself for another name but was shocked to hear something else.

The man snarled, apparently misunderstanding her exclamation. "Dominik Lance Alvers, born at St Francis, Northbrook… you need the date of birth as well? Or the weight? Can I have my fucking money already?"

Kitty had just slid her fingers in her pocket, dumbfounded, and pulled out the bill when felt a tough hand clutching her elbow. It was Lance, clenching teeth, who shouted at her from the distance of an inch or two. "What the fucking hell you're doin' here?"

He was glaring at her so vehemently and intensly that it was rather intimidating. Wasting no glance on the tramp, he pulled her along, fuming.

"Hey, m' money, you slut!" the tramp howled at them, and being afraid of him sticking to them, Kitty threw the note on the ground. She still could see him snatching at it.

Lance didn't reduce his killing rough pace until they reached the park. No words were said, only his hard breathing could be heard. Furiously, panting madly he halted at the park lake.

"It hurts, Lance, let me go," her voice was barely above a whisper. He whirled her towards him and glared at her for long, grasping her arms with both hands. He was dreadfully pale, black flames were burning in his irises. At first sight it seemed he didn't even recognize her. A strange unknown thing was yelling inside him. _Crying_. And it was unleashed.

He released her as if touching her caused him pain. God, such was him, a scrappy, savage asshole… just as that once-human tramp a couple of hundred metres away. But there was no turning back. Rage filled him, and would have crashed him if he didn't set if free. So it just spilled badly.

"What the hell made you speak to that filthy damn tramp? He… he could have hurt you, killed you or anything! Are you outta your mind? What the heck was that for?" he bawled, fuming madly. Something broke inside him. Something aching and deep and bitter. It reopened old sores.

Kitty bolted back, clinging to the barrier around the peaceful lake. They were alone, only a small group of children played in the snow further away. "I… I just wanted to know something."

"Something?! Couldn't you just forget your damn questions for once? Why is that you always have to know everything? I fucking hate you snooping around my freaking past." Lance sank into the hell of blind rage. Face distorted, he clenched his fists, eyes darkening with every passing minutes. He was almost scary. Kitty saw him only once acting so uncontrollably; it was when he rearranged the area around the school after teaming up with Duncan Matthews. After she, Kitty said him _those_ words. "You could have asked me your stupid questions, anyway!"

"Would you have answered them?" she asked quietly. Lance opened his mouth, and closed it again.

"No, sure as hell not. But it's none of your damn business," he replied finally.

"I… just needed to know, to understand… was he really…er… what made him… how could he just…" she trailed off, embarrassed.

"_Dump me_?!" he thundered almost cruelly. The words were towering between them like a huge, murderous iceberg. "That's what you wanted to know? How I was unwanted? How was my great family like?"

The ground underneath their feet stirred at the reflection of his anger. A tiny crack emerged on the frozen surface of the lake, running across to the opposite shore. On the branches above them the glimmering colourful strings of Christmas bulbs and garlands were tinkling quietly. Green, yellow and red snowflakes poured down on their shoulders. Hell, why _she_ of all people had to see this, had to face him, know him, why – felt Lance his blood bumping in his veins.

"And? Is your curiosity finally satisfied? Have you found out?" he asked with lower, calmer voice; comparing to his former rage it was almost as threatening as his fury.

Kitty pressed her lips together. Words failed her. She didn't even notice the tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. How could she tell him what that man said? No way! That would have hit him hard even if he, just like Kitty, couldn't regard him as _Lance's_ _father_.

"There ain't any answers for that, Kitty; that's the blunt fact. Just filthy pity loser fathers and their filthy loser sons. That's life."

"That's not true… can't be true," she breathed. He didn't listen; just turned around, away from her. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you… Lance…"

She reached out to touch him; he was stiff as stone. And so distant, so inaccessible.

"Why did you… why did we…?" he never finished his sentence. It seemed to him impossible to speak distinctly with so much bitterness and shame accumulated in his throat. In his heart_. I never wanted you to see this_, he closed his eyes. _Why don't you just go away? When will you kick me as he did?_

"I thought you didn't know," Kitty remarked.

Lance hugged himself. "I did." His hands balled into iron fists. There was a mad rattle being heard from his direction, and his following words filtered through gritted teeth. "He was quite lucky that my powers hadn't manifested then."

Kitty shuddered. That indeed sounded like a menace. She stepped closer, ready to pull him into her comforting embrace, to make him feel she cared.

"Now leave me alone," he said, his voice faraway and so tired like never before.

Kitty got scared. There was something in his voice that made her feel in a way she'd lost him. "Lance, please," she pleaded with tears in her eyes, placing a soft hand on his shoulder. "Please, don't be mad at me. I really am sorry, I didn't want to stir up the past."

"Just go home, Kitty, alright, go home."

"No, don't make me leave. You're in bad temper now. Please, let me stay." And then suddenly she just finally understood him. "Lance, it's not your fault. You shouldn't feel ashamed of him. You are a far better person than him…"

Lance clutched his head, grabbing his own hair as if in an attempt to get rid of it or to shut her voice out of his head. He let out a moan and sank slowly down on the ground, sitting onto the blanket of snow. He hid his face behind his arms, avoiding her gaze, unable to see the concern in her eyes. He leaned on his knees. His words were muffled as he spoke: "I don't say it again, Kitty, go home. I'll be okay. Just… you'd better forget me."

Kitty fell down on her knees next to him. "Don't say silly things. What has it changed? Nothing at all."

"For you, yeah, nothing. It was just nothing. For me it was a father. A past. A reminder." He didn't look up. "Can't you see? Can't you really see? He's my future, it's obvious… He is… I… I don't want you to be involved in it."

Kitty was bewildered. She felt so small, so weak to fight so much hurt, bitterness and self-doubt. Self-_torture_. "You can't believe in this…" she was cut short as Lance snapped impatiently.

"Go away already! Why don't you leave? Does it really matter when you do it, now or later? Leave me the bloody hell alone!"

Taken aback by his harsh tone, Kitty stood up, and slowly, hesitantly she left him. She cast a last glance at him upon exiting the park. He was still there, crouching motionless on the ground, alone and wrecked, with storm in his soul. With pain.

And he was abandoned again.

Tick-tack, the minute hand of the old hanging clock staggered along. There was a banal Christmas story broadcast in the TV with mushy-gushy end where everyone was kissing under mistletoe. Kitty's Christmas had taken a way extremely differing from the pinky Hollywood stories. Instead of watching the screen, she realized she had been rather having her eyes on the windows but who she had been waiting for hours hadn't yet arrived.

It had been snowing for hours, and it brought nothing but chill and whiteness with it. Lance was away.

She regretted long ago that she had left him in the park. He had been in bad state of mind; it proved to be a wrong decision letting him ruminate over the whole case alone. Sighing, she switched the television off for it had absolutely no chance of entertaining her. She went upstairs to their room and lay down on one side of the bed, leaving clear the place where Lance was supposed to sleep.

And she began staring on the ceiling, shuddering at every noise, every crackling of the wood all around the house. He never arrived.

Tick-tack, echoed the walls and her heart. Tick-tack. His absence played a horrible tune on the chords inside her.

Slowly she drove herself crazy with the most terrifying images her mind could produce in the hours of fear. She tried her best to fall asleep but couldn't. Somewhere out there Lance was suffering, she knew it as she knew she would never have a rest til she didn't have him by her side. How could she be so coward, so pathetic that she shrank back from trying to support him, sustain him and fight his demons?

It was half past one when she got up again, and crept along down to the hall and out of the house. There was chill outside and dead silence. Her steps were muffled by the soft snow that was still pouring down on her. She didn't know where to go, just kept running along the streets, until her lungs ached. The night wind bit her face and she could easily accuse it of her tears dimming her vision.

Minutes and what felt hours went by without any chance of finding Lance. She had scouted the whole city park, the centre of the town, the area around the plaza when she had the idea of taking a visit to the darker side of Northbrook. Swallowing her fear down, she swang into walking along the narrow alleyways where the dirtiest and most ill-reputed bars and nightclubs were teeming side by side. The snowflakes seemed to be bleeding in the strange lights filtering through the dim windows and half-opened doors. No one tried to impede her, not as if she wasn't prepared for defending herself – many thanks to Wolverine and his terrible training-sessions.

Her heart skipped a beat when the wall of snowfall was drawn apart and there he was crouching at the foot of a wall, half-sleeping on his knees.

"Lance," she breathed his name with relief, and could have cried with happiness that he was whole and alive. She leapt to his side, placing a worried hand on his shoulder. Suddenly, frowning, she became aware of his thin clothes. He was so cold.

He didn't wake up even after she shook him. Obviously, judging by the smell and his deep sleep, he was drunk.

"Lance," she called again somewhat louder.

His eyes flung open. "What? You?" Disbelief spread on his face. "I…mmm… said tah go 'ome and leave t' hell… umm…", unable to speak more he laid down on the concrete, hugging himself.

"Okay, you wanted this," she warned him, standing up and striding a few steps away. She grabbed a small pile of snow and after going back to him, she squeezed the whole white cold stuff into his face.

Shouting, he apparently got back to consciousness. "Aarrgh, what was that for?"

"Now, we're going back home. No! No argue!" she commanded as he was about to protest, and grabbing his arm she helped him to his feet.

It wasn't easy to take him home since he was more than unwilling, nauseated and dull at the same time but they did it, eventually.


	6. Sins of ours, sins of others'

**Chapter 6: Sins of ours, sins of others' **

Kitty woke up to the signal of the nine o'clock news in the local TV channel after spending the night on the couch downstairs. Considering Lance's state she had decided to leave him alone in the bed. Slowly she got up, hair unkempt, clothes rumpled, neck grown numb. There was a beautiful scent of buttered eggs invading her nose, and her stomach twitched with hunger. Stretching her limbs, she smiled. Apparently her aunt was bustling in the kitchen. She'd just got up when she caught a few words of the news. It was said a homeless had been found dead early in the morning by a passer-by. Cause of the death unknown, though probably murder.

_Murder_.

Kitty didn't need the picture flashing on the screen to feel, to _know_ who the victim was.

Something terrible collapsed on her, smashing, squeezing, squashing her mind so much that she got short of breath. _It can't be… it can't… he couldn't be_…, she continued to repeat on and on, and was scared that he maybe, possibly committed something unforgivable and irreversible. Lance and his anger had once led to an almost-death, she of all people knew it far too well; and this time his temper was mixed and influenced by alcohol.

"No," she moaned desperately, clutching her head.

But the most dreadful, most shocking and confusing and powerful feeling that hit her was not terror, nor disapproval or estrangement. It was pure, disastrous and steady determination of her staying by his side, to stand by him, to fight for him, to _forgive him._ It was all so unbelievable. He somehow, somewhere, by stealth, changed her. There was nowhere the old Kitty Pryde who could judge people with clear mind and insight as she had been taught. He _had done_ everything and he _was _everything that should have alienated her but there was no common sense anymore, no parental instructions. There was no murder, no sin, no laws and no fears in the world of her where she finally found herself and found the strength, the courage to fully _accept_ him. And maybe, even to _love_ him.

Lance was still sleeping at one o'clock when she slowly opened the door to the room with a tray in hand. He woke up as she placed the tray on the bedside table.

"Cover your eyes," she warned him softly upon drawing the curtains apart. White fresh light penetrated the room.

Lance groaned, struggling to sit up. Kitty settled down on the edge of the bed, watching Lance silently. He was almost as pale as the pillows around him, eyes tired and still a bit bloodshot. He apparently did his best to avoid her gaze.

"How you feeling?" she inquired. Lance bowed his head, letting his hair fall in his eyes.

"Crappy but it serves me right," he admitted, rubbing his temple.

"I cooked cabbage soup for you, umm, supposed to be great against hangovers." She passed him the tray. "Hopefully it's better than my cookies, I tasted it, fits to eat," she smiled.

"Uh, I've only heard about those cookies… they're legendary," he shook his head, his smile obvious.

Kitty chuckled briefly.

"I don't deserve it. You know, you should have just left me there," he remarked after a short silence.

"Yeah, maybe," she smiled sadly. "But, like, I may have that silly habbit of collecting drunks everywhere around the city and cooking them cabbage soup."

Lance smiled weakly and for the first time he looked up at her for a long, aching moment before turning back to his food. Kitty followed his movements, examining the part of his face that could be seen behind the dark curtain of hair, tracing the line of his hands with her eyes.

"What did you do last night?" she asked quietly. Lance moaned into his plate.

"Ain't it obvious?" he sighed. "Drinking nonstop and staggering from a pub to another. I ain't proud of it."

There was a long, tense pause before Kitty collected her courage to speak up again. "Did you meet… _him_?"

"Huh? Who?" he looked confused. Kitty tried not to roll her eyes.

"You exactly know who."

"Uh, Kitty, not again!" Lance grumbled. "No, I didn't meet him!"

"Didn't you kill him?" she breathed.

Lance tossed up his head. His face showed an expression of surprise and uncertain amusement as if he had the idea Kitty was only joking. When he didn't see her smiling, his face darkened.

"Hell, no! I said I didn't meet him."

"You're sure?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" he huffed, astonished.

"You were drunk, maybe you can't remember," she remarked, still feeling the lump in her throat.

"I do remember I didn't hunt for him, nor meet him. But he's just lucky for that," he added gloomily.

"Don't talk this way," Kitty gasped with a frightened look in her eyes. Lance examined her for long, his eyes a narrow line.

"You're strange… What's…?" he trailed off, suddenly reeling back. "He's _dead_?"

"Yes, it was in the news."

Lance leaned his head back against the pillows. _He is dead_. He closed his eyes. What was he supposed to feel? Happiness? Indifference? Rage? His eyes flung open.

"Kitty, I didn't kill him, I swear." He almost pleaded, but all at once his brow darkened. He pressed his lips together so tightly that they became a white line. "Though I probably would have… but not before I tell him what a fucking bastard he was… and kill him in a long, painful way."

"Lance, please, don't talk this way!" she squeezed his hand hard. "I… don't wanna see this hatred in your eyes," she whispered.

He looked up. Whether minutes or hours passed by, none of them knew. Slowly, his face lost its cruel, tough edge and became a way more filled with sorrow and tiredness. And the loss of so many things.

"Don't worry, Kitty, this hatred was towards him, and now with him it's gone."

She smiled warmly, and considering the tray between them she pulled him into a chaste hug. He was stiff and faraway, though his head found its place at once in the hollow of her shoulders. And still, she was mourning. _Probably I'm just losing you right now._

"You are called Dominik?" she asked suddenly recalling the memory.

Lance freed himself from her arms, pursing his lips. "_He_ said that? It's true. But I dropped it for the other at age of eight. I didn't wanna be called the way my damned parents had called me."

Kitty grabbed the tray to bring it away though she didn't move to stand up.

"I'm sorry," Lance said quietly, fixing his eyes and fingers on the wrinkles of the blanket. "I'm so sorry for having shouted at you, hurt you and everything."

"I forgave you, Lance Alvers, long time ago," she touched his chin, and leaning closer she kissed him on the forehead. "Or never even was angry with you."

Later that afternoon Lance left the bed. Still having a minor headache, he was slightly dull and moody though he did everything to hide it from Kitty. She pulled him to a nearby market where they bought a short yet well-shaped pine-tree. Kitty wanted them to have a normal Christmas together, a calm and intimate one, and he appreciated her efforts all the more when he thought of her being Jewish and normally celebrating Hanukah instead of Christmas.

It really was a nice evening. Her aunt was in her bedroom, leaving the two youths alone. Lance felt he could have relaxed and slid into happiness if not for his whirling thoughts.

It appeared to be so simple to spend the time like that. Too bad, it made him recall his childhood when Christmas didn't mean more than the other days in the year – a pile of trash. He always had used to sneer at the sappy Christmas scenes on postcards and movies, thinking they were for weakling goody little boys with well-combed smooth hair and rosy cheeks. He had steeled himself, _trained_ himself to gain the belief he didn't need intimacy, nor love or warmth. And now he was proved to be so dead wrong. It was like life laughed into his face, holding a mirror for him to see what a liar he was, how he had methodically blinded himself with self-delusion and faked toughness. He had never been taught how a normal, decent family worked; his family seemed more real than anything in life, and it never occurred to him to query whether it was average. He had no clue that it could work otherwise, he considered it a legend of fairy tales.

These all little things about Christmas now appeared to be creeping under his skin, filling his bones with delight and ease and _life._ While pretending to be busy helping Kitty, Lance was lost in watching her as she was doing a bit of handwork around the Xmas decorations, dressing walnuts into silver paper, drying orange-peels and tying ribbon to cinnamon shavings. They hardly shared a few words, yet everything was so peaceful.

Suddenly Kitty frowned, gazing behind him. The television was switched on and as Lance turned around he saw what had evoked the change in her mood. He sneered as the news informed about the man who was found dead early in the morning that he was murdered by a fellow homeless, probably for money.

With disgust, Lance switched the TV off, throwing the remote control on the couch, tossing the room into tense silence.

"Funny, I became an orphan for the second time, right? And in what a splendid way!" he snorted, before pausing shortly. "How ironic. This is the infernal jurisdiction for the damned. He maybe, partly was killed for the money he'd got for telling you about his mistreatment against me. I wish he would have realized it."

Kitty was silent, though she ceased her activity. It grew dark outside and only a reading lamp next to Kitty illuminated the room, leaving the far corners in darkness. She lifted her gaze up at Lance who was still standing petrified in the same stance as minutes ago.

"I shouldn't be here," he said hoarsely, his hands disappeared in his pockets.

"Lance…" she sighed, placing the scissors she had been using down on the table. "The same old case again?"

"Maybe it is but not less true."

"Or not less easy to run away than trying to face the difficulties."

She crossed the physical distance between them but crossing the mental seemed much harder.

"I do not run away. I'm trying to… protect you."

"Thanks, but I totally don't need it. Don't you think I can decide by myself what I really want?"

"Sorry but it doesn't seem like you know what this all thing is about… You don't feel the weight of where I came from and ain't aware of the future I could ever achieve… Just look at… look at that filthy bum…"

Kitty interrupted him. "No, you are the one who apparently don't understand that I don't care who your father was! I also don't care who you were two years ago. Don't ever look back… remember? You said that to me a few days ago. And you were right. I say everyone changes, Lance, even I changed, I'm not entirely like I was two years ago. I'm leaving my past behind, so you could do that too."

"Yeah, you're leaving. That's why we're still here," he scoffed slightly, without the intention to offend her.

Kitty yet looked confused. "How do you mean it?"

Lance sighed, tousling his hair unintentionally. "I just say we're here 'cause you ain't ready to leave and still hope your parents would change their mind."

Taken aback, she remained silent for a short tick. "But at least I keep trying," she retorted finally. "You must not blame yourself for your father's guilt and life. You ain't him."

"Yeah, but I'm gonna be. See? Just way down the line. The same scum as he was. By the first trouble resorting to alcohol. It's in my blood or stuff."

"Exactly… if you let it be. It's always too easy to use it as an excuse for every failure," she snapped, then her voice softened as she said: "Let's try it from another aspect. What do you think it tells about me if I seemingly, according to _your_ opinion, don't have the right mind to choose anyone else but you? What does it reveal about my knowledge of mankind? When you disparage yourself like this you simultaneously disparage me myself as well."

"I… I've never meant this," he shook his head tiredly before sinking in the nearest chair. Kitty stepped next to him, hugging his head to her chest, and kissing his hair lovingly. Her heart was aching for him. For them.

"Why can't you accept the fact that I want you of all people? Why ain't you brave enough to face you ain't that trash of world you think you are? Why is it easier to hide behind banners about degradation of yourself and holding your hands up high that you told you ain't no good?"

"No expectations, no disappointments," he moaned almost ashamed and shyly pulled her into his lap.

Kitty encircled his neck with her arms. "Would you try it for me? Would you try to accept yourself? Would you give you, give _us_ a chance?" she asked, leaning so close to him that she could have counted his eyelashes.

Lance glanced at her, feeling his incapability to reject her bind him. He was so weak, so indecisive. He attempted to kiss her but ended up kissing only her palm, as she put her hand between them. "Answer it, honey," she whispered, her lips playing around the tip of his nose like the sweetest temptation.

"I… I would," he groaned huskily. "I swear I would."

There, it was said, eventually. It was said, and that was the easier part of the task. Somehow –or for that very reason- he didn't feel relieved, only a faint determination flared up in the depths of his trouble.

Kitty flashed him a bright smile that made his guards collapse, and all his doubts were momentarily washed away when she finally found his lips with pure overwhelming passion.

------ xxxxxx --------

Thank you, guys, for your reviews, you absolutely made me happy!:)


	7. Rebirth of Future

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**Note1:** Here is the last chapter. I didn't wanna make an endless story of it, especially because originally it was planned to be a oneshot, lol. So I hope you don't think it has a rushed end or stuff.

**Note2:** Thanx guys for the reviews, I absolutely appreciate them!

Note3: I re-edited it a bit, correcting some mistakes, not much, though.

**---**

**Chapter 7: Rebirth of Future**

Next morning went by quickly and calmly as Kitty and Lance were enjoying the result of the heavy snowfall during the previous days. Life seemed so weightless and carefree while they were playing like two enthusiastic kids outside. Like there was no mutant or human world with its obligations, no hatred and no parents gone away.

Meanwhile they were getting warm with red hands and cheeks after suspending the snowball fight and going inside, Kitty's aunt was getting ready for leaving to visit Kitty's parents as she had fixed it with them. She was about to leave when the bell rang.

Kitty didn't see who was at the door but she could tell by the muffled voices that there was something very wrong.

"There is no need to give me a lift, thank you," her aunt said and in the next minute no one else than Carmen Pryde appeared in the doorway. Kitty saw from the corner of her eyes that Lance took a movement as if he wanted to flee.

"Oh, what a surprise!" Carmen said upon spotting his daughter but his voice was free from surprise. On the other hand his wife, who had just shown up behind him, looked pretty astonished.

"Kitty," she gasped, and her eyes widened more as she caught sight of Lance.

Kitty squeezed her eyes shut, for a short moment the whole world seemed to be spinning around. She hadn't braced herself for this yet. Another quarrel, another split, another disappointment. Wasn't it enough parting her family once? Wasn't it painful enough?

"I knew you would be here," Carmen continued. "Okay, enough of this infantile play, you're coming home."

"I don't think so," Kitty sighed while her aunt stepped in just in time before Carmen would have turned into a fuming father again.

"You do not want to quarrel here, Carmen, do you?" she asked patiently as if she was speaking to a child.

"If it's needed I do," he grumbled. "I won't let her stay with him."

Her aunt shot him a questioning look. "Why wouldn't you?"

"You… you don't know anything about him, just, please, stay out of this."

"I do know that this young man behaved decently and politely all along he was staying here and helped me without even asking for it, not mentioning how he seemingly likes your daughter. And that is enough for me," she stated firmly. "And if you, Carmen Pryde, don't feel you can behave just as decently as the boy then I have to ask you to leave my house. I don't want any argue here."

Carmen opened his mouth but no voice came out of it. Making a face as if it meant him great pain to breathe the same air with Lance, he grudgingly nodded. Lance, whereas, was very close to slip away.

"Don't even think of it, kay?" Kitty whispered him as if being able to read his mind. "I want you to stay here for me."

Lance sighed heavily but gave his consent.

The next few minutes went by painfully slowly as no one seemed to be willing to start a conversation. Minutes later Kitty decided to ease (or rather, escape) the tense atmosphere and intended to cook lunch in the kitchen.

"Lance, would you come and help me?" she asked on her way out but was halted by her father's voice.

"It's for women. Let your mother help you."

Kitty apparently hesitated, absolutely unwilling to obey and leave her boyfriend alone with her father.

"It's okay," Lance assured her with a faint smile. Kitty smiled back, cursorily brushing his shoulders and followed her mother outside to join her aunt in the kitchen.

There was a long, tense silence fell upon the two men. Lance thought he had nothing to say so he was just sitting there, with hands in his lap, waiting for the inevitable conversation.

Indeed, Carmen started speaking. "Well, Mr…"

"Alvers," Lance helped him out briefly. It wouldn't harm more if he answered some questions of him if that was what he wanted.

"Well, fine. We should have a friendlier talk for now, hm? You know it's Christmas, it's about giving and so," the older man explained. Lance shot him a suspicious look but didn't say a word. "As you surely found it out, I want to speak about Kitty. You likely know it pretty well she has a bright, promising future waiting for her with or without my helping hand."

He halted, maybe for the purpose to emphasize his words or to get a reaction from Lance but he got nothing. Lance was pretty much aware of what was going to be said. And he was right.

"However, let me be honest to you, I can't see any future like this lying ahead for you. I was once a young man like you, I know life is expensive, especially for… the likes of you. You can't blame me for wanting the best for my only daughter. I have met a lot of young men like you, and you are no different from them maybe save for only one thing and it is your… ability to…"

"Destroy?" Lance finished for him with a hint of sarcasm.

Carmen winced. "Kind of. Well, let me straight things. I assume we both want Kitty to have a life she deserves…" he began, suddenly looking slightly troubled how to say what he wanted.

Lance then saved him by completing his sentence. "I suppose you want to offer me a pile of money to vanish without pain and trace."

Carmen grimaced but nodded. "Hm, you got it. You must admit it is the best…"

"For you. Right," Lance noted firmly, his voice as steady as never in the past few days. "But you're mistaken. It's sad you think feelings can be bought and sold."

"Oh, I see, you try to moralize now," Carmen remarked contemptuously.

"No. I try to be honest. I used to be thinking once in the way you're thinking now. I was sure feelings can be defeated and wiped away but that's just not right. If you think you can turn my feelings for Kitty into money then be afraid because I'll attempt to buy _her_ feelings for _you._"

His answer wasn't disrespectful or anything but Carmen's face lost its faked calmness. "Okay, kid, let's try to clarify it from another aspect. If you like her, as I suppose you do, then you would leave her to let her avoid a miserable life."

Lance closed his eyes for a moment. "I knew you'd finally come up with this." The most effective weapon he had to face with was this. And it chimed in with his own thoughts and fears but no way he would let him know it. No way he would leave Kitty by command. He shook his head. "I'd betray and disgrace her emotions, not to mention I would spit on myself if I did so and not tried to build a life together."

It wasn't as if he'd become sure this whole chaos called relationship between him and Kitty was proper. But Carmen's attitude and words made him want to revolt and not surrender like a dolt.

"What kind of future can you provide her on your own? Since I will never finance your heroic efforts," his hands balled into fists.

"And I would never accept your precious funds, thank you. There's no need to be concerned for your bank account, I don't angle for it."

"Don't dare use this tone against me," he huffed, apparently displeased.

Any other would-be conversations were wound up as Kitty returned with a face that clearly showed she had been braced herself for at least one dead person. Lance arranged his features into a nonchalant expression. He had no intentions to share his recent experience with her. It would have been unnecessary to make her feel even much worse than before.

The lunch didn't turn out to be better but at least there was no need to speak as their mouth was busy.

"And, umm, Lance, do you have some plans for the future?" Theresa asked when the dessert was served. No doubt she tried to behave friendly, but Kitty knew it wasn't the best thing to ask.

Indeed, Lance lowered his fork and buried himself in his apple pie. "Um, I guess at first I'd like to get my GED," he shrugged. Kitty felt a proud smile spreading her face. Actually, her parents weren't that ecstatic.

"GED? Why? How old are you, by the way?"

"Uh, well, nineteen," he admitted, feeling the trouble breathing down his neck.

Theresa almost goggled. "And you still don't have? You _failed_?"

Kitty felt it was time for her to speak. "Lance was expelled from school merely for being a mutant," she blurted out a bit angrily, suddenly having all the recent bother and misery about her school overrun her. Her mother seemed to be confused and even her father looked surprised.

"B… but then… what about you?"

"Oh, like, don't worry. I still attend the school."

Her parents apparently were suspicious. "Then he why not?"

This time it was Lance who answered, not less gloomily. "Because Professor Charles Xavier didn't feel like being responsible for others than his own students. Since I don't belong to under his wings I had to leave school."

Kitty was slightly indignant. "Hey, you just can't blame him. You did everything to be expelled again."

"Really? I thought I did everything to be _gotten back_ to school. Since I don't have any almighty patron who would promote my interests, I had to use my own means," Lance pursed his lips. "That's another matter Kelly only used us – just as everyone else."

Kitty's face fell. Carmen watched them with cocked brows, having a faint smile on his face. My, my, he thought, everyday quarrels? By the way, he had his own ideas about Lance's _own means_ and he didn't like them unseen.

"You're right," Kitty whispered sadly. "We all made mistakes."

Carmen seemingly didn't like his daughter's groveling. In the meantime Theresa cleared her throat as if she didn't hear anything in the past few minutes. "And after getting GED?" she inquired.

"Well," Lance spoke up hesitantly. "I thought about joining the SHIELD."

"What?!" Kitty exclaimed, her face suddenly went pale. "You're serious?"

"Yep, just a recent idea."

"What is this Shield? Sounds… um… threatening."

"It's a state organization for defending mutants from the attacks of _human_ anti-mutant terrorists who wanna harm them."

"But it sounds quite… fine," Theresa cast a questioning look at her daughter. Kitty hugged herself, swallowing all those words Wolverine had casted at Nick Fury and his organization. What Lance said was a little whitewash. She grew concerned.

"But it's dangerous."

"Not more dangerous than…" Lance trailed off as meeting Kitty's now very much awake gaze. "…than any other jobs," he finished warily.

Kitty flashed him a grateful tiny smile before sinking back to concern. "You will be far away too often."

"I know, but I thought sometimes we could work together."

That wasn't the best thing to say, Lance realized as both adults turned a shocked face towards them. "What? No way! My daughter should never be participated in any dangerous actions!"

Kitty winced. "Easy, Mum! I would just, like, stay in the background, providing information and stuff. No big of a deal."

Lance stole a glance at her and felt sad. So, these are the lies of love.

"So you say it's a security force?" Carmen continued the examination. "And you would use your… ability to fight humans?"

"If I have luck, yes," Lance smirked ironically. He didn't want to add that he more probably has to fight dangerous mutants instead. "It's dangerous enough, though, to have a high chance of dying in any minute."

Kitty furrowed her brows. She suspected an earlier fight of words between the two men, and she didn't really like it.

In what followed Lance didn't participate. He was eagerly waiting for the moment when the Prydes would leave the house, and he was much surprised when they finally got off – without Kitty. Deep inside, the pessimistic part of him had been whispering she would go with her parents. Of course, it didn't happen smoothly but Kitty insisted on staying and that moment Lance found her the most wonderful creature on Earth. She was Kitty Pryde. And she'd really grown up.

Maybe time had come for him as well.

"When did you drop your animosity you felt for me?" Lance asked Kitty after a long silence.

They were nestled up against each other on the couch. Next to them the Christmas-tree was flooding them with overpowering pine-scent. He could see their deformed reflection in a golden ball swinging on a slim branch.

Kitty was musing for long, recalling the stations of their troubled, surging relationship. "I guess during the summer after we escaped the Asteroid M. my animosity cracked. I don't know why or how, it just did. At the beginning of the next school year it was slowly fading away. The first turning-point was when you saved me from that statue. In that silly moment I hated you and was thankful as well, and wanted to blame you and forgive you, and so many inexplicable things."

"So big bad Lance Alvers confused you badly," he said with a half-smirk, and tightened his embrace around her. Kitty, chuckling, leaned her head back, resting it on his shoulder.

"Yeah, he did, that fool. It was all so strange like if I had two different personalities," she smiled. "Then the second was when you teamed up with Duncan against us."

She could feel his body wince, and placed a comforting arm on his, turning her face a little more towards him, before going on with her words.

"That moment I realized you meant more to me than a simple acquaintance. I understood that our fragile, twisted friendship was more important for me than I had thought before, or else it shouldn't have hurt me so bad."

"I betrayed you then for the second time," Lance breathed. It was still painful speaking about those dark days. Speaking about his fool little self.

Kitty agreed. "I felt so. I was… aching inside. That's why I told you those words then; I only wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me. After that I decided to forget you and I managed to, on the surface. I even convinced myself that I got over you. Only at the third turning-point did I realize I was so wrong. After several months passing by without as much as a word said between us when I first talked to you again I knew at once I still had feelings for you. I knew I'd underestimated my feelings before."

"And I disappointed you again, yeah? It was when you asked for my help against Apocalypse," Lance moaned. "Betrayal number three."

Kitty smiled sadly. "Something like that. When you opened the door I grew full of chaotic thoughts, emotions and memories at your sight, I had high hopes in you but you rejected. And it hurt just as much if not more as before. I couldn't understand myself. When you shut the door and I left the place alone I hated you for everything, for meaning so much to me. And somehow liked you at the same time." _And so wanted to cry,_ she thought to herself.

"God, I've done so many things against you," Lance mumbled ashamed.

Kitty stirred in his arms, pressing her cheek to his chest, placing a palm on his heart. "It's not the end. I'm talking about the turning-points but I still have one last." She crumpled his shirt into her palm. A sigh escaped her lips, and left her the feeling she just shook off the burden that had been pressing on her in the past few days. "It was two nights ago when I was lying in the bed, sleeplessly and waiting for you. I was so worried. With every passing moment I as well passed away a bit. I knew I couldn't get peace till I didn't have you near me."

Lance closed his eyes. He knew it was too late. There was no turning back. He left never-going-by traces in her and it would have been only another betrayal, and not only against her but against himself as well, if he'd left her again. He said once and he determined now that he would try with all his being to make them be a couple. He wasn't sure it was right this way. Neither knew he whether it could last long or be steady. The only thing he ever knew and learnt bitterly was the fact that nothing was for free, as always in his past, now as well he had to fight hard for his life, his future and his dreams. And had to believe that he could have, _dare_ have dreams.

Kitty nestled closer to him. When they were in such peace it was so hard to believe they could oppose, fight and yell at each other. It was so hard to imagine a future where they wouldn't be together like this. There must have been other outcomes than ending up in hurting each other. There was no use weeping over old hurts and bad memories, no use of cursing his blood if it had not much to do with his future, and hating a father that never really was his.

He had options and he could choose. And he chose Kitty.

There had been so many things wedged in between them, lies and truths, loyalties and betrayals, cowardice and thoughtlessness, friends, parents, foes, social classes and education, and still… fate made them meet, made them break up more than once and it even made them give a chance to each other. Maybe, only maybe it was no accident. Maybe, only maybe they really matched in a strange way.

"Well what's now?" he asked.

Kitty looked up at him, smiling affectionately. "Tomorrow we're going back to Bayville. I have some things to arrange at the Institute." Lance glanced at her, puzzled, and she touched his face with warm, tender fingers, forcing him to lean closer to her. She then added, whispering against his lips. "Some old battles to fight."

**The end**


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